


Freezing Rain

by orphan_account



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Boys Kissing, Cuddling & Snuggling, Football | Soccer, Gay, Kissing, M/M, mention of ED just a tiny little bit but I'll tag just because, mentions of non-con/rape, mentions of past domestic abuse, sleeping
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-13
Updated: 2014-05-18
Packaged: 2017-12-25 23:36:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 25,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/958940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU where Harry works in a bakery part time and is an inspiring tattooist, Louis is on the Uni's football team A freezing rain storm causes them to meet.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>(sucky summary, I'm sorry)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

  "Did I tell you she was coming this weekend? I really need to get you two together, I just _know_ you'll hit it off."

Harry banged his head lightly on the wall of the back room of the bakery his beanie muffling the sound, his boss Molly chuckled to herself and packed up Mrs.Barbers box of sweet buns.

    "Next time  _you_ can deal with her." Harry hissed as she handed him the box.

     "That'll be hard seeing as she asked for you." Molly said giving him a push into the front room.

Harry put on a smile and handed over the box. "Here you are, sixteen fresh sweet buns,  just like you like them."

     "Thank you dearie, So what about this weekend? Are you busy?"

Harry took her card. "Sadly I am busy, I'm going to see my sister." he said pulling the lie out thin air and feeling guilty.

     "Oh, that's too bad, Maybe I'll give her your number and you can text and what not!" She took her card, picked up her box and left leaving Harry confused.

     "How does she know my number?" he asked as Molly came up front putting on her coat.

     "Oh she 'borrowed' your phone last week and I guess she nicked your number." 

   "Great." Harry said dropping his head to the counter. " An old woman with the presistance of a damned squarrel has my phone number."

Molly looked at him.

     " A squarrel?" she asked amused.

    "You've never spent a summer watching as the stuffed every nut they could into a knot in a tree." he nodded. "Going out?"

   "Do you mind if I get a bite? The snows' seemed to have stopped."

Harry shook his head. "I'll be fine."

    "Thanks love." Molly said smiling, she opened the door and wave of frigid air rushed in making the hair on Harry's arms stand up.

Molly looked at the sky. " You'd better put the rugs out, looks like's going to rain."

Harry gave her thumbs up before she let the door swing shut and was lost in the throng of people.

 

By the time Harry hauled the rugs from the back room rain was falling in white sheet, Harry stood in front of the window facing the street and watched as the rain fell, a vague home sickness coming over him, if he were home he and his mum would be sitting in front of the fire playing Scrabble, his sister laying on the couch, book in hand, his stepfather half watching a football match on the telly. A sharp pang went through him and he to hugged himself, he never really let himself miss home he knew if he did when he talked to his mother he would end up crying which would cause her to cry. Even though it was his choice to move full time into London to work on school he missed his tiny town.

Harry shook his head and went to work lining up the rugs prefectly with the door and  to the counter so customer wouldn't have to risk the slippery floor. He got down on his knees and pushed the rug to un roll it as he did the door opened letting in a wave of freezing cold rain water and a stranger.

The stranger shook his head slightly to dislodge some of the ice chips in his hair.

   "Hi." he said grinning as the rug hit him in the ankles.

    "Oops!" Harry said "Sorry about that."

The stranger lightly hopped over the un-rolled portion of the rug. "Don't worry. You haven't anything hot to drink do you?"

 Harry froze as he stood up -just for a moment- but that was long enough for him to take in the strangers appearance, he was, in Harry's opinion, the most beautiful man he had ever laid eyes on. The sharp angle of his jaw ( and the light stubble dusting across it) the bright blue of his eyes, the football uniform, the thick denim jacket buttoned all the way up and how small he was in comparison to Harry ( least a head shorter)

  "Of course." Harry said de-rooting himself from the floor and walking behind the counter. "We have a large choice of coffees. Dark brew, Light brew, Medium brew and one that tastes like water that's sold as a 'gentle on the stomach' brew."

 The stranger grimaced. " You wouldn't  have any tea, would you? I'm not a fan of coffee."

  "Sure, name a brand."

   "Yorkshire?" He said cautiously.

Harry nodded. " Just a second." He popped a teabag out of a drawer and filled a to go  cup with hot water. When he turned around the stranger was leaning against the counter facing the front of the shop, he had taken off his jacket and sewn across the back of his football uniform was the surname  _Tomlinson ._

"Here you are." Harry said putting the cup down.

The stranger-Tomlinson- turned around pulling out a card. 

   "Thanks." He said as Harry handed him his card, he narrowed his eyes. "Have we met before?"

Harry shook his head,  _I'd remember meeting a man this beautiful_  "No, I don't think so."

Tomlinson cocked his head. "I've seen you somewhere....Are you at Uni?"

Harry nodded.  _Why does he care?_

    "What do you take?"

    "Art, Tattooing." Harry said tucking his escaping curls back into his beanie. _D_ _amn I need a hair cut._

Tomlinson frowned. "Ever take music?"

     "Yeah, last year, I dropped it."

Tomlinson snapped his fingers. "That's it, you sat by the window didn't you?"

Harry stared at him. "How do you know that?"

Tomlinson waved his hand. "I sat by-still sit by the door, I remember because you were always early and the tats." He gestured to Harry's hand and wrist where his sleeve didn't cover his 'I can't change' tattoo, key-padlock combo and the small cross on the webbing between his thumb.

    "And." Tomlinson grabbed Harry's beanie and pulled it off his head. "The curls."

    "Hey!" Harry protested as his hair tumbled into his face. Tomlinson handed it back with a wicked grin.

   "Why'd you drop?" He asked watching as Harry stuck his hair back into his hat.

Harry shrugged. "Didn't fancy it."

      "So you go and focus on _Art and  Tattooing_?"

    "With a tattoo you can tell a story without words." Harry said as he did every time someone asked him why.

    "Very poetic."

    "It's the truth." Harry challenged.

    "Don't I know it." Tomlinson muttered.

Harry looked at him out of the corner of his eye. Tomlinson turned and locked eyes with him.

      "I'm Louis, by the way, Louis Tomlinson." he stuck out his hand, Harry gripped it with caution, his hands were cold, smooth and dwarfed by Harry's hand.

      "Harry Styles."

Louis smiled. "Finally, a name for the face."

He turned around and slipped back into his jacket, grimacing.

     "Looks like the rains let up. I better go before my roommate kills me, I'll see you around campus."

    "Yeah, see you around." Harry said as Louis left leaving Harry even more confused than he already was.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the wait,my laptop died and had lost the charger :P, also, this chapter is mostly filler ,next chapter will be better, more Larry.  
> I'm going to try and update once a week from now on. Thanks for reading!

  "Oi, anyone here?" Harry called out shouldering open the door to his flat.  "Zayn? Niall? A mass murderer maybe?"

  "Chill, I'm here." Harry heard Zayn call from the kitchen, he made his way to the kitchen where Zayn stood at the sink washing paint off his hands, the colors swirling in the sink were bright and cheerful.

  "What'd you do with Niall _this_ time?"

   "He had that class thing tonight." Zayn said vaguely waving a soapy hand.

  "What'd you paint today?" Harry asked stealing a sip from the beer Zayn had sat down on the counter.

   "Back wall of a nursery."

   "Nothing  inappropriate I hope?" Harry smirked.

Drying his hands Zayn shot him a dirty look. "Numbers and letters, you twat."

   "You never know with you." Harry said as Zayn took his beer back.

   "You sir, are an arse." Zayn said dropping the towel he'd used to dry his hands.

   "Yeah," Harry said following him into the sitting room. "But I'm cute so it counteracts the arse prospect."

Zayn glared at him as he sat down on the brown pleather couch and threw a handful of mystery nuts from the bowl on the coffee table at Harry.

    "Remind me, Why do I live with you?"

Harry shrugged and sat back. "Rent's cheap, I don't ask questions and I let you smoke illegal cigarettes? Oh, and you like me." He added with a cheeky smile.

Zayn threw a pillow at him and laughed. "Idiot."

 Harry tossed a game controller towards Zayn. "Loser buys the shopping next week?"

   "Deal."

Harry knows he's going to lose for two reasons; He's horrible at the game and _that_ Louis Tomlinson is still buzzing around his head.

  

* * *

 

   "Mate, it's not fun if you don't even _try_."

Harry shook himself for the umpteenth time, Zayn had beaten him over half a dozen times already.

    "Sorry, thinking."

Zayn rolled his eyes. "I got that much, what about? School?"

     "No, not really..well sort of."

Zayn stared at him and held up his hand. "Before you start, I need another beer."

  He returned a moment later carrying two beers. Handing one to Harry he sits down next to him on the plush, mismatched chair and knots his fingers, peering over them.

     "Speak."

Harry throws him a dirty look and sips his beer-he doesn't really like beer, too bitter-he sits back on the couch, pushing up the sleeves on his sweater and rubbing hand across his face.

    "You still take music, right?"

     "Yeah, why?"

Harry sighs.  "There somebody in your class named Louis Tomlinson?"

Zayn sits back.  "Louis? Yeah, he's ok. Loud-but funny, nice, gets the work done, missed a few lessons here and there because of football, but all around a good guy. Why?"

Harry shook his head, "He came into the bakery today and recognized me from last year."

   "Recognized you?" Zayn frowned.

Harry forgot they-he,Zayn and Niall- had only  live together three months.

    "Yeah, I took it last year, didn't have time this year."

Zayn nodded. "Yeah, Louis is  good, that all?"

Harry shrugged, happily bypassing the question of why Harry cared.

Zayn looked at him out of the corner of his eye, smiling slightly, before picking up his controller and  kicking Harry's ass several more times before Harry declared him the winner.

Harry lay on the couch, his head buzzing after four- _or was it five_? beers watching an old Superman movie, Zayn had turned in for the night seeing Harry switch on the film.  _"He's the one super hero I can't stand, the flying twit."_

Niall came in closing the door softly behind him dropping his bag and nodding curtly to Harry he went to the kitchen and returned, beer in hand, before slumping on the other end of the couch from Harry, eyes closed.

   "How's the lesson?" Harry asked pulling  his hands into his sweater sleeves.

Niall shrugged. " Alright, had a sub who was _fit_ so didn't listen much."

   "Uh-huh."

Niall opened his eyes and looked at Harry. "Sorry, forgot your not into that sort."

 Harry shrugged  not caring ,Niall had found out Harry was gay two day after moving in,he had gone to search something quickly and clicked open the history and found a porn tape playing back a him, Harry, hearing the sounds blast throughout he flat raced in to find Niall quickly closing out of the screen.

   " Sorry." he had  muttered.

  "S'ok. I should have dele-"

  "It's your laptop I should have asked.... I'm cool with it by the way."

   "You are?"

Niall had shook his head." Course I am, as long as you don't ask a threesome or with ...help." he gestured vaguely to Harry's crouch.

   "Never. Never, ever."

   "Though, if you need someone to film..."

 "That's disgusting Horan."

 ***

  "Harry, you still with me?" Niall was leaning towards him.

   "Yeah, sorry, what did you say?"

Niall looked sheepish, a dull blush creeping up his neck.  _Never good a sign_

   "Were you ever, like, 'into' girls?"

Harry shook his head. " Not really, I mean, I can see why a woman is beautiful, I've just never, been interested- never wanted a girl."

 Niall was silent for a moment. "You ever seen one naked?"

    "When I was thirteen, my dad took me to a strip club."

Niall's eyes went wide. "Really? He took a thirteen year old? Christ."

 Harry shrugged. "It was before I came out to them, his dad had done the same with him."

    "Wow," Niall said taking a drink. " You ever-erm, slept with a girl?" he looked at Harry out of the corner of his eye.

Harry paused.

  "You know what, never mind, none of my business." Niall said quickly, spilling his beer down himself.

Harry shook his head feeling a  flush creeping up his neck, thankful for the darkened room. "It's alright, really, No, I've never slept with anyone."

Niall nodded and -thankfully- let the subject drop.

Before Harry turned in for the night Niall stopped him.

   "Erm, thank you for telling me that stuff." He said. "I just realized it was pretty rude of me."

Harry shook his head. "Niall, I'm not ashamed of who I am, you can ask me whatever, I know all about you, only fair for you to ask."

Niall smiled. " Thanks mate."

***

Harry lay awake in bed, the day running like a film through his head, pausing at _that_ football player.  _Dammit, get out of my head._

 

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

Louis had no intention of going back to that bakery ever again. None, even if Harry Styles had floated around his dreams.

As he walked past the bakery the next day - _Why was his flat so far from school? -_ The door to the bakery opened he heard a certain voice calling out to have a nice day as an old woman left, nearly bumping in to Louis.

  "Sorry, dearie." she said without stopping.

Louis was left awkwardly holding the door open,  _fuck it_ he thought going in.

   "Just a second." The voice called from the back room as the door jingled the bell.

Louis wanted to leave, he didn't need to be here, he had no reason -  _you_ _wanted to see Harry again_ -a small voice in his mind told him,  _shut up_ he told himself as Harry came through, stopping and his face broke into a smile. He wore a lavender sweater and black skinny jeans today, his hair pushed back from his face- _stop it Louis._

   "When you said see you around I didn't think you meant the  next day in the same place." he said leaning against the counter, propping his chin up on his hands.

  "Well," Louis said. "I realized that you sold bran muffins and my room mate loves them, so..yeah." he trailed off horribly.

 Harry looked amused, "We do have a lot ." he agreed.

    "If you're going to be a twat about then I'll just go." Louis said making to leave.

     "I'm only joking." Harry said quickly, the amused smile wiped off his face.

Louis turned around sighing deeply.

   "You've convinced me." he said walking up to the counter. "I'll take four of _those_ " he said pointing to a crumb topped  muffin.

Harry nodded and retrieved a small cardboard box from a cupboard.

   "So how long have you known your room mate?" Harry asked ,packing up the muffins.

    "Well, we've been friends since we were about seven and we've been room mates for about a year or so."

Harry nodded ringing up the purchase. "Why only a year?"

Louis shrugged. "I'm a year older than him, I tried to dorm thing for a year-not my cup of tea- 'till he came to uni then we got a flat."

   "Been there." Harry said nodding seriously.

Louis propped his elbows on the counter. "Really? Do tell."

  "The plan was for me to live in the dorms the whole time, but I couldn't stand it, luckily I met Zayn who was looking for some one to split the rent in a flat with and then few weeks after that Niall needed a place -good thing too,  we could barely pay the rent-but-" Harry shrugged. "It all worked out ."

   "Sounds like it." Louis agreed handing over his card.

 Harry swiped it . "What do you do?" he asked.

    "Music tutor collage age kids."

Harry looked surprised.

    "What?" Louis asked. "Don't think I can do it?"

"No, Not at all." Harry said sliding the box towards Louis. "You just don't seem the type, I guess?"  
     "Ah, Basically it's me in a room with half a dozen 14-15 year olds making rude jokes, occasionally practicing their instruments ."

That gained a bark of laughter form Harry who clapped a hand over his mouth.

   "Sorry." he muttered uncovering his mouth.

Louis opened his mouth to make a sarcastic response when a woman came from the back room her hands full of papers.

    "Harry? That paper I gave you earlier, where is it?"

She looked up from reading. "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know you were busy."

      "It's ok, I pinned it on the board like you asked." he said frowning.

She shook her head. "It's not there, love."

Harry glanced at Louis, seemingly torn between ending the conversation and helping his boss.

 Louis picked up the box. "Thank you, I'll see you."

 Harry smiled.

    "Come again." The woman said .

 

***

"What's this? Thank you. What have you done? No,  wait how much will it cost to fix?" Louis room mate said when he  put the box of muffins down in front of him, on top of his school work.

Louis rolled his eyes. "I'm shocked Liam, Can't I simply give my best mate a treat?"

    "No."

   "Glad you have so much faith in me, Li."  Louis opened the fridge to get a bottle of water he heard Liam get up and felt a pair of arms around his shoulders.

   "Louis, you _know_   you're like a brother to me." Liam said in his ear.

Louis pursed his lips. "Get off Payne."

 Liam kissed his temple before pulling away. "So what's the real reason?"

 Louis thought for a moment.  "Think of it as payment for putting up with me all these years."

   "I don't think a box of muffins will pay all of it back." Liam said shaking his head.

Louis laughed. "Just for that you're buying the take away."

***

And so a routine was established; everyday after practice Louis would go to the bakery, buy something and talk to Harry. The time they spent talking increased daily. 10 minutes...30 minutes..an hour.

Harry was a open book, within a few days Louis learned everything about Harry's life-his friends, room mates, his mum, sister, dad and step dad _("Even thought they divorced they still get on well, it's nice, not awkward anymore")_   Louis even found himself divulging a  few details about himself and his family.

They kept this routine for nearly a month, then one Saturday Louis lay on the couch putting off doing his school work because, well, the telly was so tempting. Liam came home from doing God-knows-what and stood triumphantly in front of Louis.

  "What?"

Liam smirked and sat down and Louis legs. "I know why you keep going to that bakery."

  "Oh?" Louis said offhandedly - _oh shit_ "Do tell, Oh wise one."

  "That curly haired kid. He's pretty fit, Louis and nice."

    "Is he? I hadn't noticed ."

Liam swatted at Louis thigh. "You damn well did notice, Louis."

Louis rolled his eyes and sighed. "Maybe a bit .."

  "Hey, idea-"

  "Oh, god."

 "Don't go mental when I ask, but why don't you invite him to your next football match?"

Louis sat up in panic. "Absolutely not."  
   "Why not?"

 "Because Payne. Now get off me."

Liam didn't budge. "Why Louis? It's just a football match."

  "Because that involves seeing him out of the bakery and _that_ means something new- a step even."

  "Oh Louis, Come on, it's not that big a deal."

Louis pushed Liam off his legs. "Maybe not for _you._ " he snapped .

Liam's face softened. "Louis, it's been six years-"

 "Your point?"

  "You can't be alone for the rest of your life Louis."

    "I'll do what I please, Liam."

Liam faced Louis on the couch ."Louis, I _know_ it's hard for you, what you went through -"

  "You don't know shit Liam." Louis said his temper snapping and flooding out.

Liam stood up.   "You're right Louis, I don't know anything do I? I wasn't the one that helped you pick yourself up after, I wasn't the one who took you to hospital, I didn't lie to your family -to my family- to our friends, I wasn't there every fucking day, I didn't sleep on your bedroom floor after you tried to commit." -He was pacing now.

"I'm not the only  one to date to have ever seen you  cry, I'm not the one who stayed when you lost all  the weight-"

Louis couldn't help the flood of memories pouring back, the sudden tears in his eyes, he looked down.

  "-I didn't beg you to eat, I wasn't the only one you let hold when you dreamed of that night, I'm not the one who stayed when everyone left..fuck, Louis, I really was the only one." 

Liam stopped and scrubbed a hand over his face and looked at Louis.  "Oh, shit, shit, Louis I didn't mean any of that, fuck, Louis I didn't mean."

He sat down next to Louis,hesitated a moment before wrapping his arms around Louis shoulders.

  "Your right, I'm fucked up, so damned fucked up." Louis said into Liam's shirt. "I'm sorry, so sorry."

Liam's arms tighten around him. "No, Louis, no we're _not_ going back there, You do _not_ apologize for anything, understand?"

   "I took so much of your time, Li, because I'm so stupid."

 Liam held him away from him. "Louis no, You are not to blame yourself, ever. _I_   did that _, I_   made the choice to be with you through that. Me. And  I would do it again in a heart beat. You are my brother, part of my family, and that is what family does, Boo."

 Louis smiled wetly at the pet name Liam had given him the day they met.

Liam pulled Louis against him again and leaned back against the couch, rubbing circles on Louis back.

   "I'm sorry I brought all those memories back." Liam said, his chin resting on Louis head.

Louis shook his head, he was shaking .

  "I just..just want you to be happy."

Louis sniffed. " To  not use the phrase _'I don't need no man'_ would be cruel."

Liam smiled. "I know that Louis, but the kid, Harry, he makes you happy, you can't deny that, you're happier than I've seen you in years."

   "He's nice..and fit...and smart." Louis admitted wiping his eyes. "Problem is, I don't know if he's gay."

   "Just ask him Boo,What have you got lose if he's not? Besides I swear if he hurts you in any way I'll kill him."

Louis smiled and snuggled into Liam. "I'll...ask him to the match, but that's all."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I suck at updates I'm sorry :(  
> But it's a long one! :D  
> sorry for any spelling or punctuation errors ,it's two in the morning :P  
> leave a comment, follow me on twitter (@beBraveMyDears) if you please or not that's cool  
> yep,  
> thanks for reading!  
> ok  
> bye. xx


	4. Chapter 4

Louis entered the bakery with butterflies,the very thought of _asking_ Harry to come to his football match was enough to make him feel sick.

   _Get a grip,You're being stupid._

Harry stood behind the counter his usual smile in place.

  "Hey."

  "'Ello." Louis leaned against the counter.

Harry went back to whatever he was doing before, Louis leaned over the counter to get a better look. Harry glanced up .

  "The coins are all jumbled ."

Louis hopped off the counter. "Very important to have neat coins."

 Harry made a pouty face at him. "If we have to to dig through the coins to find the right one than we'll take too much time and the customer will be upset."

  "Harold I was joking." Louis rolled his eyes and went about making himself a cup of tea.

Harry smirked slightly as Louis used the name he'd christen him to bare.

   "Hey," Harry said closing the till. " Are you playing football this weekend?"

Louis froze, his tea half way to his mouth.

  "Why?"  Louis asked as off handedly as he could.

Harry  heard the tone of his voice and turned to look at him frowning,

   "Niall's bringing me along to the match ,and I was just wondering. " Harry shrugged. "It'd be sick to see you in action."

Louis snorted into his tea, "I'm not that good."

   "Got to be pretty good to make the team." Harry said sincerely

Harry caught Louis eye and held it for a moment before Louis dropped his eyes.

  "Well it seems you're in luck, because I am playing." Louis said putting his cup down on the counter. "And, you get to meet Liam."

Harry almost beamed.  "And you Niall, I think you'll like him."

 Louis smiled back, "I'm sure I will."

 

***

 

Louis was strangely nervous as he jogged around the field, warming up,then he remembered that Harry was coming and was going to meet Liam,( Of course he had already met Liam, but not through Louis) the thought that their friendshi -whatever it was- was going to extend from the bakery ,and in short that was a step,a commitment, _to what?_

 _Stop over thinking._ Louis told himself firmly, kicking a ball across the field. He was on his forth lap when he saw Harry,  he was following a tall blond man and laughing as he pushed his hair off his face, the blond man embraced Louis coach and began talking with grand hand gestures while Harry stood a few steps back mainly to avoid being hit. Louis smiled to himself and jogged over ,when he was close enough he slowed down to a walk.

 

   "You look out of place." He said resting his hands on his hips.

 

Harry turned, hands deep in his pockets,a smile lighting his eyes.  "As do you...I don't think I've seen you in sunlight before."

 

Louis chuckled and took a step forward as the coach blew his whistle and shouted at another player for not stretching. The blond man laughed as the coach said something and stomped off,then he turned to Harry.

 

    "I'll tell you what." he said ,Louis was sightly surprised by his think Irish accent it seemed familiar some how

 

Harry laughed and slung an arm around the blonds' shoulders.

 

    "Louis this is Niall. Ni, this is Louis."

 

Niall smiled and held out his hand. "Nice to meet you,Harry can't shut up about you I swear."

 

Harry blushed  and Louis  laughed taking Niall's hand when it hit him.

 

     " That's it! You're the one  that fought with the ref at the start of the season, over a goal I made, bounced off the rim, but goal none-the-less."

 

  Niall nodded as the memory fit together. "Totally unfair call." he said with seriousness.

 

  Louis nodded in appreciation " I meant to tell you thank you but you left before the match ended, They gave me the goal because of whatever you said."

   "Yeah, had to pick up me cousin from the airport.And I told them I'd call the nationals and tell them what I saw ,got a uncle working high up."

 "Good to have family in high places." Harry said .

    "Yeah," Niall agreed, "They can't get rid of you."

Harry smiled shaking his head.

   "Louis." 

He turned ,Liam was making his way towards them,his hands in the pocket of his grey hoodie. When he reached them Liam slung his arm around Louis shoulders.

  "Shouldn't you be warming up?"

Louis rolled his eyes. "I have been ,taking a break."

 "Uh,huh." Liam shook his head. "Hello Harry."

   "Hi?"

Liam smiled and held out his hand. "Liam."

Harry took his hand. "Nice to meet you, Louis speaks fondly of you."

  "Yep,Liam" Louis said. "My brother from another mother as they say,Li, that Niall."

Liam shook Nialls' hand as the whistle blew for the game .

   "Got to go change. Well acquainted yes? good." Louis turned on his heel and ran off to the locker room.

"Is he always like that?" Niall asked as the three of them made their way to the stands.

   "Yes." Liam and Harry said together.

Niall nodded as the sat. " I like him."

  "He's easy to like." Liam said. "Once you know him a bit."

Harry nodded in agreement.

 

***

"Come on Tommo!" Liam yelled into his cupped hands as Louis darted across and down the field, passing the ball back and forth to his other team members.

 Harry grinned like a fool as Louis team scored putting them five points ahead.

   "He's brilliant!" Harry said into Liam's ear.

"He really is." Liam agreed. "he's already had four professional leagues ask him to join."

 Harry stared at him. "Seroisly?"

  "Yeah." Liam said off handedly. "Turned them all down."

 "Why?" Harry asked shocked.

    "Never would tell me...nobody but  Louis knows how Louis works." He said clapping as Louis took the ball again.

 Harry turned back to the field and watched Louis dart around ,a broad smile on his face the whole time.

***

   "Yes!" Liam and Niall cheered as the game was called 15-3.

 The winning team jogged around the field high-fiving the defeated team, Louis found them in the crowd and waved. As if it were an every time thing Liam waved back and held up both hands.   Louis nodded and held up both hands back before running off to the locker room.

    "Come on." Liam said picking his way down the stands, he reached the ground before Harry and Niall, then begin walking towards the locker room.

  "We always go out after a win, get a drink and dinner, and I assume you're both coming." Liam explained as they walked .

Harry's hand drifted down to his pocket for his phone. "Ah,damn."

  They looked at him as he patted his pockets. "I've dropped my phone."

   "Need help?" Liam asked.

     "Nah,be a minute,I think I know where it went." He had felt it slipping one of the many times Niall had grabbed at him when a tough goal was made.

 

Louis stepped out of the locker room, and felt the cold wind biting at his hot skin-the showers had two settings 'Hot' and 'The wrath of hell' -  Liam and Niall stood against the brick wall, hunched the same way.

    "Good game." Niall said pushing away from the wall.

Louis nodded. "Alright." he agreed .

   "Better than alright, Louis ." Liam said throwing his arm around Louis shoulders.

 Louis opened his moth to reply when Harry ran up,a phone clutched in his hand.

     "You were brilliant!" he panted ,his cheeks flushed.

Louis had the involentry flash of wanting to see Harry flushed and panting beneath him,his dark curls fanned out over a pillow,his green eyes dilated as he moaned Louis name....

Louis shook himself, these thoughts were alian.

  "He was." Liam agreed as Louis stepped on his foot.

     "Come on ,I'm starving,did you two drive or..?" Liam dug a set of keys from his pocket as they walked.

  "Walked ,it's not far and Niall scares me." Harry offered

  "Hey!"

Louis laughed as they piled into Liam's car, a few mintues later they pulled into the parking lot of the bar Louis and Liam went to often after games.

Harry and Niall are texting as the walk in.It's a small slightly dingy place, the tables don't match the chairs and the lighting is horrible but it's cozy, a place to feel safe as you get hammered .

 Harry looks up from his phone as they pass through the doors.  "Oh,I wonder if Zayn's working."

  Louis rounds on him, "He works _here_?"

Harry nodded.

 Louis placed a hand on Harry's chest, his hand blocking out the 'ee' and the 'una' on his " _Teenage Runaway_ " shirt.

   "You mean, _you're_ Zayn is _our_ Zayn?" Louis gestured between himself and Liam.

  "Last time I checked there was only one Zayn." Harry said with a cheek smile waving to someone over Louis head, bouncing on the balls of his feet.

As they sat down at a table-Louis somehow sat between Harry and Liam- Zayn wondered over smiling, menus in hand.

  "Heya, Liam,Louis, good game?"

    "Yep," Louis said taking his menu with a smile,he liked Zayn.

Zayn smiled before turning to Niall and Harry. "I told you two to never come here again."

Harry let out a bark of laughter covering his mouth with a hand and looked down at his lap.

  "We'll behave." Niall said shaking with suppressed laughter. " We swear."

 Zayn rolled his eyes handing them menus. "That's what you said last time,I still haven't gotten the scorch marks off the kitchen wall, by the way."

   "Do I want to know?" Liam asked lightly as Zayn went to get their orders.

     "No." Niall said. "Just know that gin stays on fire if you throw it."

Harry bit his lip and played with a string from his ripped jeans. Louis watched him,the way his long fingers twirled the string,how the small cross on the webbing between his forefinger and thumb jumped...

  "What?" Harry asked softly seeing he was being watched.

Louis shook his head taking a breath he had realised he was holding, he turned to Niall who had been texting for over three minutes.

   "Who are you texting? A girlfriend?" Louis said sing song.

Niall looked up at him from his phone with a snort. "It's my mate from home. Don't have a girl."

 Louis leaned back, his lips turning up. "What,a strapping young lad like you hasn't got a girlfriend? That's an injustice if I ever heard one."

Harry shook with giggles as Louis continued . "Why I bet you're the flirt of the flirts at the heart of the party,every one of your friends is setting you up with girls left and right!"

 Louis felt a sense of accompaniment when Harry let out his bark of laughter ,head thrown back.

  Niall leaned forward trying to suppress his own laughter- _he's got a sense of humor than,good_ \- "Said injustice can be held against yours truly." he pointed a fork at Harry.

_yours truly_

Harry rolled his eyes leaning his elbows on the table. "I'm not setting any of my friends up with you Horan, I know for a fact that you're a kinky bastard."

Niall looked shocked. " I thought it was fine with you!"

  "Never said it wasn't,I just said I won't subject any of my friends to you."

  " Do I want to know what this kink is?" Liam asks.

  "Trust me,you don't ." Harry said putting a hand on his forearm and shaking his head.

Niall groans and drops his head onto the table. "But it's not even like I can try and woo your or Zayn's past girlfriends-you haven't got any!"

Louis head snaps up and he catches Liams raised eyebrows and wide eyes directed at him behind Harry's back. _Did he really just say...?_

  "That's not true,Zayn was with Perrie a year ago, you had a chance." Harry points at him with his phone.

Niall snorts as Zayn appears with their food, frowning as he put it on the table.

   "Why are we bringing Perrie up?" his tone is saddened slightly

Louis notices Liam seems to have developed a weight on his shoulders when Harry said that and wouldn't make eye contact with Zayn.

  "Niall was being a dick." Harry said simply looking at his massive plate of chips.

  " I thought you liked dick? Besides you know I had not a chance with Perrie,so shut it Styles." Niall shoved half his burger in his mouth.

  "Neither did Zayn." Harry muttered.

Zayn rolled his eyes. "Perrie was ....a phase,she knew as much when we went out,I needed to try with someone I trusted -which I still trust her-for my father,to prove him wrong." he walked away as someone in the kitchen called him for another order.

 Was it just Louis or did Zayns' eyes flicker towards Liam?

  "Moving _on_ , from dicks and what not. " Louis said nicking one of Harry's chips-he let him without a word-. "Niall, what are you studying?"

   "Assteuiugy"  Niall says around a mouthful of meat.

Liam raised his eyebrows, "You're studying Asses?"

  Louis choked on his beer spewing it over Harry's lap.

  "Sorry ,mate." Louis said mopping it off his leg with a napkin.

  _oh, holy shit_

"It's alright." Harry said laughing as he blotted his crouch.

   _holy fuck_

Louis was very aware of Harry's leg against his own as he spread his legs and cleaned off the chair.

_fuck,fuck,fuck_

_"_ Astrology." Niall says shaking his head.

   "Head in the clouds then Nialler?"

That get a laugh, they go back to eating and- _goddamnit -_ Harry still has his leg against Louis,it's warm and strangely comforting. They're slowing down when Zayn get off his shift,straddles a chair and joins them,picking bits off everyones' plates and chatting with Liam. Harry however is busy with -

  "That's my phone." Louis hadn't even realised it had left his thigh.

Harry bites back a smile and types something in shoulder touching Louis.

   "Well at least beat the next round of _Candy Crush_ for me." he said shrugging in a carefree way.

 "What if I already did?" Harry asked - _Jesus was he writing a novel?_

Harry handed his phone back as his own lit up.

  "Did you just send yourself a text off my phone?"

Harry smiles full dimples at Louis and Louis stops breathing for a minute. "Yes...is that alright?"

Louis looks down at his phone, Harry not only added his number but also Niall and Zayns'. Guess this was a group thing.

In response Louis sends Harry Liam's number as well, Harry smiles  as he adds him to his contacts.

They sit there until the bar closes,Liam and Louis get into Liam's car -To the slight disappointment of Louis Zayn had driven and the three would go in his car.

   "I know I had a lovely time." Louis says out the window as Zayn digs in his pocket for his keys, "The five of us should do this again."

 They all agree.

  "You watching the match on Saturday?" Niall calls.

  "You better believe it." Louis said "Not Liam though ,he's got class ,the sucker."

Liam punches him lightly.

   "Come over to our flat." Niall says. "We've got a 32 inch."

  "Ooh, proper bachelor pad."

"No. Yard sale and dimples." Harry said flashing his.

Louis laughs .

  "Night." Liam calls as they drive away. "Did we just make friends?"

 Louis nods. "Aye, our mothers would be so proud."

Liam smiles at him and Louis phone lights up with a text.

  **"Good night Louis :) -H"**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you haven't guessed yet:  
> I suck at weekly updates  
> I'm also an obbessive editor,so,so,so,so sorry this chapter took forever,but we got a bit more Larry:D  
> I've also got another fic bouncing in my head that keeps getting in the way :P  
> I promise I do know where the plot is going it's just taking awhile to get there,lol  
> thanks so much for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

"Dobbins I swear to God if you pretend to jerk off your flute one more time, I'll not only show those pictures I saw on Twitter to your mum, I'll show her that video as well."

The remaining kids chuckled into their hands as they packed up their instruments, only four were still here ,trickling out slowly as parents picked them up . Dobbins ,a red-haired think necked 15 year old ,blushed and began taking apart his flute and packing it away as his mother walked in the room.

Soon it was only Louis and Macy, a 14 year old who liked to hide behind her curtain of blonde hair.

"So." Louis said as she sat at the bench in front of the piano, tapping out something on her phone as she waited for her mother .

"So?" she glanced up.

Louis rolled his eyes and sat down next to her holding out the flyer her mother had slipped him. Macy looked at it and blushed.

"Mum put you up to that." she said matter-of-factly.

"Yep, and I think it's a good idea."

Macy shook her head .'" No it's not, I'm not good enough, besides I have to audition and I'll never make it."

"Macy we both know you could do it and get it, so don't play with me, we just need to find you the right song."

He stood and rummaged through the drawer of copies of sheet music until he found it and handed a copy to Macy .

" _'Hallelujah by Leonard Cohen'_ are you mad or do you hate me?"

Louis chuckled ."Macy it's a classic ,learn this and you'll blow them away."

"I'll never be able to do it." she groaned putting her face in her hands.

"You will." he said putting his hands on her shoulders. "And you will blow them away,trust me."

She raised her face, her gray eyes hopeful. "Really? You think?"

Louis pursed his lips ." I know so."

Macy's mother appeared at the door with a friendly smile, she and Macy departed, but not before she could mouth a "thank you" behind her daughters' back.

Louis smiled ,he was finally alone after three hours and his nervousness was returning- _why was he nervous? it's just a football match..at Harry's flat..out of the comfort zone he's created .He was going to Harry's home,where he lived and his roommates where they're-no, they were his friends, they are Louis friends, he knows Zayn, he likes him and Niall well,he was the least threatening thing he'd ever met_ \- Louis was fidgeting again, he was sweeping his fringe away ,tapping out a rhythm on his thigh, he sighed and looked down at the extra sheet music that had fallen out ,it had been a long time since he'd just played for the hell of it ,it always used to calm him-but that way before. Would it have the same effect or would it bring back those memories that Louis had worked so hard to bury?

"Fuck it." he said out loud.

Sitting down at the piano, he flexed his hands a few times before nimbly touching the keys. After a few notes a feeling a calm washed over Louis and he played with ease, everything from his childhood coming back to his hands and fingers ,any trace of worry lifted from his shoulders as he played, he lost himself in the notes ,the music swept him away, gave him something solid to focus on, he closed his eyes.

The back of Harry's arm stung from the fresh batch of ink he'd gotten, Ed was good but it still stung like hell, he wondered down the empty halls of school-it was Sunday everyone was either hanging out or studying- there was a door open somewhere, Harry could feel the cold air rushing through the halls and cutting though his thin jeans _I really need new ones_ he thought as he walked ,his car was parked at the front of the school, he could cut out through the art department and walk across campus, that’s what he normally did, but something made him walk past the door leading out ,he liked roaming the empty school, made him feel like a rebel.

He walked past the art department the tinny smell of paint thinner that Zayn often carried with him wafted out into the hall. As he neared what he knew to be the music department he stopped, hearing the clear notes of a piano ,Harry glanced at his watch, it was three-thirty, who on earth would be here?

Curious, Harry peered through the window to the music department instruments lined the walls along with recording equipment ,a piano was set at the very back of the room ,and sitting on the bench playing was a figure Harry recognized .He pushed open the door quietly and stood just inside the room, listening.

As if he could sense a presents in the room Louis stopped playing and turned around.

"Harry?" he said frowning. "What are you doing here?"

"Hi." Harry said lamely. "I was getting tips from my friend, it’s the only day he could do it."

Louis crossed his arms over his chest . "How long have you been there?"

Harry heard the concern in his voice _._ "Not long, you-you're really good."

Louis narrowed his eyes as Harry stepped closer .

"I'm average."

Harry smiled ruefully and shook his head propping his knee on the bench next to Louis.

"What?" Louis almost snapped.

"You always make yourself out to be less than you are, Lou."

The nickname rolled out smoothly, Louis blinked at how much it resembled Liam's name for him, how natural it sounded, how much he didn't mind it coming from Harry.

"Less to be disappointed by." Louis turned back to the piano.

Harry stayed silent, although Louis could see him frowning out of the corner of his eye.

"Do you play?" Louis asked playing a few notes.

Harry shook his head and sat down next to Louis, who barely stopped himself from stiffening as Harry's elbow brushed his own.

"My mum tried to get me playing when I was little but the tutor told me I was hopeless, not meant to play and kicked me out of the lesson."

"Wow."

Harry laughed. "Said my hands were too chubby and" - he raised his voice to a falsetto -"she couldn't work with a cheeky twit like me."

Louis jaw dropped making Harry laugh harder. "She actually said that?"  
Harry nodded.

"Wow..great teacher."

Harry _shook_ his head still laughing.

"She was wrong." Louis said in a rush.

Harry frowned at him.

"You're hands are practically made to play piano ."

Harry looked down at his hands and then at Louis eyebrows raised.

"Put your hand like this." Louis said placing his own fingers on the keys, Harry obeyed.

"Now repeat this." Louis hit the keys to create _"Twinkle,twinkle little star"_

Harry tried but the notes were out of order ,Louis smiled and automatically placed his hand over Harry's ,using Harry's fingers to hit the notes.

Harry bit back a grin as he marveled at how small Louis hand looked compared to his own.

"There. You can play the piano. You’ve proved her wrong."

Harry laughed . " So long as you're next to me pushing the keys."

Louis moved his hand ignoring the spark that seemed to run up his veins.

"Good, now you can't get rid of me."

Louis spun on his seat to face the room.

" _Why_ would I want to get rid of you?" Harry sounded so sincerely wounded that Louis would ever suggest a thing. _Because_ , Louis thought, _I'm a mess, a weak, undeserving mess of a shell of a person who can never be fixed ._

Louis stood and clapped Harry on the shoulder. "More reasons than you can ever imagine, young Harold."

Louis slipped on his coat and Harry stood.

"I swore to Liam I'd make sure he hadn't fallen asleep for his class."

Harry nodded. "You need a ride?" he asked as they walked.

"Nah, I walked, it’s not far ."

They walked out the building and Harry stopped ,bouncing on his heels on the edge of the sidewalk. Louis turned and looked at him as he dug a set of keys out of his pocket his cell phone in his mouth, Louis tried not to notice the dimples, the way his hair fell down over his face or the crease between his eyes as he struggled.

"Match starts at 4 yeah?" Louis asked as Harry extracted his keys.

He swept his hair back and stuck his hands into his coat pockets. "Yeah ,I'll text you the address?.. You're sure you don't want a ride? I'm more than happy."

Being sat in a car that close to Harry with the fact that then Harry would know where Louis lived made his heart race and not in a good way.

"I'm good, really. Thanks though."

Harry's eyes lingered on his face before nodding. He raised his hand in a small wave before walking away and climbing into a black rover.

**

"Li. Liam. Li ,Li. _Lee-yum_." Louis shook his roommate’s shoulder. "Get up, you're going to be late ,you idiot."

He'd arrived at the flat to find Liam sound asleep on the couch, textbook open on his chest, nothing Louis tried seemed to be working ,sighing he went behind the couch and gritting his teeth he tipped the couch knocking Liam to the floor. He sat up blinking wearily.

"What the hell ,Louis?"

Louis rolled his eyes. "Class. Twenty minutes."

Liam frowned at him until realization dawned on him. "Fuck." he muttered, standing and stretching he looked at Louis and his lips tugged downward again.

"You're fidgeting."

Louis topped himself from fixing his fringe for the hundredth time.

"I'm fine."

Liam put his hands on Louis shoulders. "You're sure you'll be ok?"

Louis rolled his eyes. "I'll be fine Li, I'm a big boy."

"I just know how you feel being alone in that setting with men."

Louis swallowed ,knowing Liam was right. "I'll be ok. Promise."

Liam looked him over again and nodded. "Call or text me if you need to, yeah?"

"Yeah."

"I'll text you when I'm done." Liam said kissing Louis' forehead and smiling at him.

"Ok, dad." Louis said trying to defuse the tension.

Liam shook his head and left the door closing with a snap. Louis let out a shaky breath.

"Oh, stop being stupid." he said to himself walking to the bathroom to rinse his face. He looked in the mirror, he was pale, his eyes flat and his hair an utter mess.

He groaned as he righted his hair and splashed his face with icy water. As he dried his face his phone buzzed with a text, It was Harry sending his address.

**"We're only three blocks apart - L"**

Louis sent after reading the text.

**"Funny, that! -H"**

**"Need me to bring anything?-L"**

Louis slipped on his coat as he waited a minute later his phone buzzed again.

**"Just your charm! haha,N bought pizza & Z restocked the beer yesterday-H"**

Louis heart fluttered as he stepped out side the flat ,locking the door behind himself ,he waited until he was down stairs before replying carefully.

**"Like I'd show up without it.-L"**

Casual text flirting, Louis could do that.

**"It would be sad day indeed.-H"**

**"A day without your dimples would be worse.-L"**

A rush of cold air hit Louis as he stepped out on the street.

**"I'll take that as a compliment ;) -H"**

Louis smiled, oh god he was in deep. He put his phone away and concentrated on walking, skirting around dogs with owners and the random bit of rubbish gusting across the street.

The building was rough looking ,not needs-to-be-torn-down-rough but hipster-chic-rough ,it needed a paint job and the it turned out the lift was faulty ,so Louis had to climb four flights of stairs and finally reached the flat, taking a breath he knocked.

"Mate, I'm telling you-" Zayn opened the door clad in black t-shirt, jeans and socks. "-Hello Louis ,come on in, take off your coat-I'm telling you Ireland doesn't stand a chance."

Louis stepped in ,the entry way was surprisingly clean, shoes stacked neatly on the hardwood floor, coats hung on pegs.

"Nah, Your arse is ours." Niall called.

Zayn shook his head and gestured for Louis to follow, the sitting room was simple a couch, two chairs ,a small table and a massive television across a wall ,on which a football review was playing on silent.Niall was sprawled in one of the chairs a beer and a slice of pizza on his chest.

" 'Sup, Tommo, Who're you betting on and say Ireland."

Louis spread his hands. "I'm not an idiot, I'm staying neutral on this one, Ireland's shit but they've got the new midfielder."

Niall nodded. "Fair enough."

Harry snorted ,he was curled up in the other armchair a laptop perched on his lap.

"Taking bets?" Louis asked.

" I wish ,I've got a paper due ,forgot about it." he made a face and stood, setting the laptop down on the chair. "Come on, I'll show you to the kitchen."

Louis followed Harry across the small sitting room and around a corner.

"And here we are." Harry said gesturing dramatically around the kitchen.

Louis smiled and Harry's brow furrowed. "Something wrong?"

"It's just so. .so clean ,you three must not be human." Louis said softly.

Harry smiled bringing both dimples out to their fullest. " They're both horrible but I'm a neat freak."

"Why am I not surprised it's you?"

Harry grinned at him again. "You want a beer?" he asked touching Louis elbow.

"Yeah .Thanks."

Harry handed it to him ,their fingers brushing.

"It's starting!" Niall called in a sing song voice.

Louis found out Niall was quite the enthusiast when it came to football, every play found him jumping out of his seat ,whatever the contends of his lap flying through the air.

"Heyyyyy." Harry drawled as a pizza crust landed on his laptop. "You break it Horan you pay."

"That was complete shit! Oh, sorry Harry."

Louis leaned across the couch to Zayn. "Is he like this every match?"

Zayn nodded. "Every. Single. One, that's when these come out." he pulled a joint from his pocket and paused. "You don't mind do you?"

"Not if you share." Louis said with a quick grin, it had been ages since he'd gotten proper high he chose to ignore the reason why

Zayn raised his eyebrows and lit it up. "Deal."

He and Zayn passed the joint back and forth between calling out shots at the widescreen.

"Now _that_ was rubbish." He and Harry said in sync once.

Louis caught his eye and Harry looked away blushing and clearing his throat. Half way through the match Harry started coughing softly at first but progressively got worse, until he was wheezing.

"You alright ,mate?" Louis asked tapping his knee.

Harry shook his head coughing ,Zayn turned from talking to Niall.

"Shit Harry ,Niall help me with the windows."

The smile slid off Niall face as he got to his feet and started throwing open the windows letting the icy air enter in waves.

Zayn sat on his knees in front of Harry taking his laptop. "Can you breathe at all? Do you need the hospital?"

Harry shook his head, he was taking shallow wheezing breathes, eyes closed.

"What's wrong?" Louis asked.

"It's his Asthma, normally the smoke doesn't bother him, it must be the heating and the smoke together." Niall said over his shoulder.

Zayn nodded, "Louis will you help him to his room? He keeps the window cracked so there's always fresh air, and I'll get him a glass of water."

Nodding Louis stood and took Harry's elbow. "Come on, up you get." Louis as useing the tone he'd used so many time with his sisters growing up.

"Second on the left." Zayn bypassed the hall and went to the kitchen.

Louis had one hand on Harry's back and a firm one of Harry's elbow ,before he hit the light switch in Harry's bedroom Louis saw, roped around the  ceiling  of the room was a string of twinkling Christmas lights, he smiled inwardly as he help Harry sit down on the edge of the bed, his breathing a bit deeper.

Kneeling down Louis rubbed circles on Harry's back, all pretense of nervousness gone. "Do you need an inhaler or anything?"

Harry shook his head. "No. Just ..need a minute." he said wheezing.

Zayn came in with the glass of water and squeezed Harry's shoulder. "Better mate? I'm really sorry."

Harry shook his head. "Not your fault." his voice a little stronger ,he took the water and sipped.

"Kind of is."

Niall voice came floating in the room followed by a crash. "-The bloody hell kind of play was that?!"

Harry smiled as Zayn shook his head patting Harry's shoulder. "Better make sure he didn't break anything important."

Zayns eyes flickered from Harry to Louis and back again, Louis caught on and nodded slightly ,Zayn granted him a small smile before leaving.

Louis turned and found Harry stretching ,a thin strip of skin peeking out from under his shirt, He plopped down on the bed next to him.

"Well ,that was fun."

Harry snorted. "Speak for yourself."

"Oh I think I speak for the whole of the flat." Louis went to lay back and found his way marred by a small brown notebook.

"What's this?"

Harry's eyes widened. "Nothing" he said attempting to snatch it from Louis, who leaned away, flipping through the book .It was full of sketch drawings ,everything from detailed angel wings to simple stick figures to incredible birds.

"Doesn't look like nothing." Louis said, sitting back next to Harry, their knees brushing. "Harry these are really good."

Harry ran a hand through his hair. "Not really."

"They are." Louis demanded tracing the wing of a large bird. "What are they for?"  
Louis could see Harry’s blush out of the corner of his eye.

"I want to tattoo freelance, like, no guide ,it takes years and such a steady hand." he shrugged.

"So detailed." Louis said he had his eye on a compass. "Why 'home'?" he held out the book.

Harry took the book and shrugged. "That's always who you want when you're away."

"'Who'" Louis mused scooting over ,they now touched from hip to knee with Louis shoe against Harry's bare foot. He wanted to be closer to Harry ,whether it was the weed or not Louis didn't know as he watched Harry's lips as he spoke.

"Home is the people you have there, not the address."

Louis hummed in agreement. "I like you." he said vaguely .He glanced up and met Harry's eyes.

"I like you too...a lot actually."

The word echoed around Louis head. _"I like you a lot."_ but it wasn't Harry's voice, the voice was rough and slurred . _I like you a lot_. Louis could feel the rough shadow on his face as the bass beat in the background _.I like you a lot._ Louis could feel someone touching his elbow.

"Lou?"

The bass was fading away . _I like you a lot._

"Lou are you ok? Lou?"

Louis thigh was vibrating .His phone. _I like you a lot._

"Louis?"

Louis pulled himself together enough and found himself on the floor against the wall by the door, Harry kneeling in front of him ,his hand on Louis elbow, his forehead frowned.

"Lou, You ok?" Harry reached up and brushed the hair off Louis forehead. I _like you a lot_.

"I'm fine, good, yeah, I've gotta  go, I just remembered  I need to.. to pick up Liam .Sorry, I don't want to run out like this but..." Louis jumped to his feet bewildering Harry farther.

"Ok, sure of course."

Louis gave him a vacant smile. "Thanks mate ,text me who wins, yeah?"

Harry nodded ,his eyes sad.

Louis made it out of the flat without having to talk to Niall or Zayn. _I like you a lot_. he got down the stairs. _I like you a lot_. the bass was getting loud again, if he closed his eyes Louis could see the light of the makeshift disco ball glinting off the walls. _I like you a lot._ The room smelled of sweat and booze _.I like you a lot_ .Louis made it up the stairs and was at his flat before the flashback took over, he slammed the door -neighbors be damned-slid the deadbolt home and collapsed against the wall, sliding down and gripping his knees . _I like you a lot_. Gruff, slurring, smooth talking.

Liam walked up to the flat door and tried the key in the door ,it didn't open ,he frowned as he tried the key in the deadbolt. they never used the dead bolt and found that did the trick, he pushed open the door ,the flat was dark, Louis was out why had he used the deadbolt.

"Louis?" he called out, slipping his bag off his shoulder shrugging out of his coat.

there was no answer ,frowning he flipped on the light and saw him ,Louis was curled up on the floor, still in his coat and shoes his arms locked firmly around his knees, his face down. Liam could hear his breathing was deep ,gasping and uneven.

Dropping his book bag Liam dropped to his knees in front of Louis ,tentivly he reached out and rubbed his elbow ,Louis lashed out.

"No!"

Liam grabbed Louis wrists as he struggled harder.

"Louis it' ok, It's me!."

years of going through these had taught Liam what to say.

"No! Don't touch me ,I don't want this!"

"Louis it's me, it's Liam, your safe ,Boo, your safe. It's ok, Louis please, it's Liam .Liam you're safe, safe at home in our flat. it's Liam ,boo, your safe"

Louis finally raised his head blinking at Liam tear tracks wet on his face.

"Liam?" he said doubtfully.

Liam loosened his grip on his wrists and pulled Louis into his arms. "It's Liam, you're safe Louis."

"Liam." Louis fell against Liam, his face buried in Liam neck. " I could smell him Li, Not only feel him but I could smell him."

Louis was sobbing against Liam, he could feel his shirt soaking up Louis tears.

"You're ok, I’ve got you."

"It was so bad, Li, I was there again, I could feel him I smelled him .Oh god Li."

Liam sit on the floor and let Louis cry into his shirt, like he'd done so many time before.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again I am complete crap at updates forgive me.  
> This chapter took a long time because I had a huge amount of research I had to do for the upcoming chapters.  
> Anyway.  
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter,I know the ending is awful,if you have any questions feel free to ask me on twitter (@beBraveMyDears) or my tumblr link is in my twitter bio or comment on here,I really love input on what you think,even if it's harsh.  
> :)


	6. Chapter 6

_Liam grabbed Louis wrist as he went to dive back into the crowd._

_"_ _Louis, stop, come on." he had to shout to be heard over the music of the club; they weren't even old enough to be here._

_"Get off Li." Louis slurred, he had been drinking before he convinced Liam to come out with him and now, after 3 or 4 drinks, he’s swaying on his feet._

_"No, Louis come on, this isn't what you need."_

_Louis shook him off. "What I need is to forget."_

_"_ _This isn't the way!" Louis shook his head, downed a shot of vodka and wove his way over to the guy that had been chatting him up since they arrived._

_As Liam watched Louis lead the guy over to a darkened corner pushing him against the wall and kissing him opened mouthed and dirty , Liam adverted his gaze as Louis went down on the guy. Liam felt lost; Louis had forbidden him from telling anyone what had happened and yet he was spiraling out of control, he wasn't sleeping unless he managed to pass out drunk- drunk enough to ward off the nightmares, Liam knew, he was barely eating and drinking all day, he kept zoning out and refused to enter any room with more than a handful of people unless he was drunk or half way there .He was out of control and Liam had no idea how to help his best friend.  Liam glanced back over in time to see the guy  sucking on Louis neck, sliding his hands down his sides, stopping at his hips one hand left ,probably undoing the fly on Louis jeans and Louis eyes snapped open .Liam could tell the guy had his hand  down Louis pants when Louis made eye contact with Liam across the club, his face turned white and his eyes flashed with fear, before he knew it Liam was half way across the room as Louis stood frozen, shaking, the guy ,at least ,had the decency to zip Louis back up when he noticed him shaking asking him if he was having a fit._

_"_ _Louis." Liam said as he made it over .The guy turned and looked at Liam._

_"I didn't give him anything I swear."_

_"I know." Liam snapped, almost pushing him away from Louis who had started to curl in on himself ."Louis, come on let’s get you home."_

_At the sound of Liam voice Louis shook himself. "Liam?" he croaked, sounding tiny._

_The sound broke Liam’s heart. "Yeah, come lets go, let’s get out on here ,get a cab."_

_Louis allowed Liam to slip his arm around his shoulders only flinching away slightly . He stood shaking on the curb as Liam hailed a cab._

_" Liam. I - I can’t breathe."_

_Liam turned and looked at him sharply, Louis eyes were brimming with tears he had both hands on his chest ._

_"Louis listen to me you're ok, I've got you, we'll go home to my place, yeah? Mum and Dad are asleep by now." He took both Louis wrists in his hands. Louis nodded  and rocked back and forth slightly staring off into space._

_The cab pulled up and Louis climbed in first gripping Liam wrist when he slid in. Louis burst into tears, whispering "Li." before Liam was pulling him to shoulder, letting Louis weep on him._

_"Everythin' alright?" The cabby asked regarding them in his rearview mirror._

_"Yeah, tough day. Just take us home ,yeah?"_

_He grunted and drove off .Louis was calmer by the time they got to Liam house at least not crying instead he'd become silent, still curled around Liam they snuck upstairs and while Louis sat on the edge of his bed Liam wet a cloth in the bathroom across the hall returning Liam wiped a still silent Louis face, down his neck and his hands before tossing the towel in the basket._

_"_ _Boo?" Liam whispered_

_Louis looked up at him with bloodshot eyes._

_"Let's get you out of these." When Liam attempted to pull up Louis shirt he flinched, Liam scrubbed a hand through his hair ."You do it? I'll turn around even."_

_Louis took the shirt and sleep pants and Liam turned around biting his lip, they had never been uncomfortable changing in front of each other before._

_"I'm sorry."_

_Liam turned around, even though he was a year younger his clothes were big on Louis. "You have nothing to be sorry for."_

_Louis shook his head fisting his hands. "You were right that wasn't the way to forget."_

_Liam itched to hug him but though better of it. "Boo-"_

_"I just want- I need to sleep, ok?"_

_Liam wanted to talk to him ,needed to find out what he was feeling  but he'd learned a long time ago Louis told when he was ready nothing would change that._

_"Ok, that's fine. You stay here I'll go to the guest-"_

_"Stay." Louis whispered. "Please, stay."_

_Liam searched his face; it frightened him that something looked broken in his eyes. "If you want me of course I will Boo, I'll kip on the floor and-"_

_"No, I need -I need you.. in the bed ,to hold? I need something-someone I trust . It sounds stupid”_

_"It doesn't yeah of course I will." Liam quickly changed and slipped into the bed with Louis ,they stayed on the edges of the bed for a moment before Louis slowly moved closer finally laying his head down on Liam's arm. They lay facing each other._

_"Thank you." Louis said closing his eyes._

_Liam brushed his fringe off his forehead. "Of course."_

 

 

 The kettle screamed and present Liam let realized he was clutching the edge of the counter so tight his knuckles had turned white and his fingers were cramping, he took the kettle off and made tea  hearing the shower turn off. Louis always took a shower after a flash back partly to calm down ,Louis had told him once that the flashbacks made him feel dirty ,tainted just like he had that night and the only thing that helped was showering.

 Carefully carrying the cups Liam went into the sitting room and found Louis already curled up on the couch in sleep pants and an old t-shirt his wet hair dripping down his back.

"Hey." Liam said softly handing Louis a cup and sitting down opposite him. "How are you?"

Louis shrugged sipping his tea.

 Liam tried again. “Do you want to talk about it?"

 Louis snorted. “I never want to talk about it, Liam."

 "Do you need to, though?"

 Louis paused looking at a spot above Liam's head. “Probably"

 Liam stayed silent, Louis would talk when he was ready, no amount of pushing would change that.

 'I haven't had one that bad in so long." Louis started dropping his gaze to his tea cup. "I could feel the bass from the music could feel him and smell him."

 "What do you mean?" Liam put a hand on Louis ankle.

 Louis closed his eyes his voice flat. "I could smell him, like sweat and  tequila, God, I could feel his breath on my face I  could -"

 "Louis." Liam squeezed his ankle, he was becoming breathless, Louis opened his eyes. "ok?"

 Taking a shaky breath he nodded.

"What triggered it?"

 "Harry." Louis mumbled.

Worry bubbled up inside of Liam and anger. "What did he do?" Lim said harshly.

Louis glanced up at the harshness of Liam voice and rolled his eyes. "He didn't do anything Liam, it was just something he said and it wasn't his fault. I probably scared him running out like I did."

"You didn't tell him?"

 Louis scoffed. "What was I supposed to say excuse me I need to leave so I can have a Post Traumatic flashback? Yeah I don't think so, especially because I fancy him."

 Liam pinched his ankle keeping the converstion light. "Ha, you do fancy him."

 "Shut it Payne."

 "Seriously, you should tell him."

 Louis raised an eyebrow. "About my flashbacks?"

 Liam shook his head. "That you fancy him."

 Louis sat up on the couch,"Li, we’ve been through this-"

"I know we have but Louis, he’s a good kid."

"You met him once Li."

Liam puffed. "I happen to be an excellent judge of character, and I might have asked around about him."

 Louis made a face. "Creep much?"

 Liam gave him his best puppy face. "Come on, Louis, in case you haven't noticed, he's over the moon about you. Zayn said he talks about you all the time."

Louis lips lifted into a mischievous smile. "You and Zayn been talking much?"

Liam flushed. "We've been texting a bit, yeah."

 "Ooh, Leeyum' s got a boyfriend."

 "You’re such a child." Liam threw a sock at him still flushing.

Louis laughed as his phone vibrated on the coffee table, automatically he picked it up and opened the text smiling as he read.

 "What is it?" Liam asked already having an idea.

 "Ireland won the match." he said already typing the reply.

 " **Bet Ni's happy-L** "

 Harry responded quickly.

 " **Nearly bouncing off the walls.-H** "

 " **You make it home ok? I was worried you were so off.-H** "

 Louis swallowed. How do I respond? Honestly. But how much honesty?

" **I'm good, it just happens sometimes, I'm a bit wacky like that. Feel free to cut ties at any time.-L** "

" **I'd never cut ties, You just saw me being coddled by my mates, we're all a bit mad here.-H** "

 His blank honesty will never stop amazing Louis.

" **Did you just quote Alice in Wonderland?-L** "

" **It's a classic!-H** "

" **It's a children’s movie Harold.-L** "

" **The book's a classic.-H** "

" **You're ridiculous.-L** "

 Louis puts down his phone to Liam watchful gaze. "Well?"

"Well what Payne?"

"What are you going to say to him tomorrow, when go to the bakery like you do every day?"

 "Nothing."

   **

 

Harry has his head down on the counter wondering if he'd be able to brain himself on the glass or if it would just shatter as Gemma's voice rumbles through the headpiece.

"It can't have been that bad, you’re always melodramatic."

"He ran out, after curling into a ball and acting like he couldn't hear me - i don't think he could it was really weird- he just ran out." Harry sighed for the fourth time.

"No explanation what so ever?"

"He said he needed to pick up his friend from class."

"Sounds sound enough."

 Harry scrubbed a hand down his face. "The thing is, he walked to the flat and Liam had the car."

"You know this...?"

"He texted Zayn.”

 Gemma laughed. "Zayn's getting some action then?"

"Don't want to think about it." Harry groaned, inherently wondering how Louis would react.

"Ask him."

 Harry rolled his eyes. ”It's not the simple Gems."

"Why not? You told him you liked him ask him if it's mutual."

"Louis... he's not simple like that."

"Well then you’re going to wallow in your self-pity."

"Wow thanks Gem real inspiration! I'm an idiot." he adds

"Yep." Gemma chimes in.

 Letting his head bang against the counter a few times. "Such an idiot, I don't even know if he considers me a mate."

"Ask. Him."

"I heard you the first time Gem ,I can't just ask Lou that."

"Ask me what?"

 Harry 's head snaps up fast enough to hear an audible crack from his stiff neck. he grimaces rubbing the back  his neck as Louis stares at him, he looks good with a green and blue striped long sleeved shirt and brown jeans rolled up at the bottoms displaying his ankles and the dirty white TOMS.

"Oh!" he makes a face. "I didn't know you had the thing." he gestures to Harry's earpiece.

"Just a second, it’s my sister." he explains nervously. _Why the hell is he nervous, it's Louis._

"Take your time." Louis says walking around the counter, brushing up against Harry and hopping up and sitting on the counter, swinging his feet.

"Tell him." Gemma sings in his ear.

"You're a horrible sister." Harry says walking into the back.

"I know, but I give out good -free -advice and that's why you love me."

“Who said it was good advice?" Harry challenges barely keeping the laugh out of his voice.

" I did, now off you pop tell your boy how you feel."

"Your horrible I say. I love you."

 Gemma cackles.” Love you, tootles"

 Harry shakes his head as he removes the earpiece absently rubbing his hot ear before slipping it into his pocket and returning up front.

 There must be something written on his face. "What's wrong?" Louis asks immediately frowning.

"Nothing." Harry says smiling slightly.

"Your sister ok?"

 Harry leans against the till. "Yeah, she's great. Your sisters?"

 Louis frowns. "They're brilliant and don't change the subject."

 Harry smiles at him again, his heart doing a little jump when did that start happening? "I didn't know we had a subject."

 Louis rolls his eyes."The subject is why you're off."

"I'm not off." its Harry turn to roll his eyes.

"Yes you are." Louis reaches up and puts a hand to Harry's cheek, thumb resting where his dimples hide. "No dimple. I always get a dimple."

 Harry is very aware of how close he is to Louis ,how sitting on the counter Louis is exactly the same height, how if he took a step forward he would be between Louis legs and much closer ,how much he wants to take that step, how intensely Louis is looking at him ,his blue eyes piercing.

" I just feel dimpleless today." Harry says softly. "You didn't sleep." he brushes the tip of a finger under the dark circles under Louis eyes. Louis stiffens at the contact and Harry drops his hand.

"No, I didn’t." Louis agrees.

"Why?"

"Because I was worried you took it wrong last night." Harry starts at the honesty coming from Louis, his tone raw. "My running out like that .It wasn't anything you did or said” he glances up at Harry meeting his eyes briefly.

 Understanding dawns in Harry. "Lou, you don't have to make up excuses,I  understand."

 Louis looks at him frowning. "You, understand?"

"Yeah, I shouldn't have blurt that out, I mean, I've never been good at like keeping things in,so I get it if you don't ,like share ?" Louis contuses to frown at him.

"What are you" He laughs. "Harry, I'm talking about running out and lying about picking up Liam,not what you said."

 Harry frowns. "You -what?"

 Louis rolled his eyes. "That feeling's mutual." He tried to sound off hand but avoided Harry's eyes.

"It is?" Harry asked doubtfully

 Louis rolled his eyes. "Yes Styles, Now an important question. Why is your shirt unbuttoned ,it's bloody freezing." tentively he reaches out and draws a finger down Harry's chest.

 Harry glanced down not fazed by the sudden subject change ,he was wearing one of his plaid shirts half the buttons were undone, his necklace exposed, he honestly had forgotten to button them this morning and had his coat on all day. "I dunno."

"Aren't you cold though?" Louis asked incredulously.

"Not really." Harry said Louis eyes flicked down as he spoke, resting on Harry’s lips before Harry dropped his eyes to his shoes. This was new.

 Louis hummed and lifted his hand again tilting Harry's chin up to meet his eyes and without thinking he ran his thumb slowly, gently   across Harry's lips drawing a slight intake of breath from him, finger following the contours of Harry’s mouth, eyes dark and tracking the movement of his hand .Louis hand stilled at the counter of Harry's mouth, hand under his chin. Harry's skin burned at the contact. There was a question in his eyes that Harry didn't know how to answer. Louis pulled him closer eyes flickering between Harry's lips and eyes.

 They were close, far too close,the air was on fire, half a step and Harry would be between Louis legs. Closer  and burning. They leaned, drawn closer, like magnets as a loud beeping sounded.

"Jesus." Louis said as they sprang apart a blush coloring his face. He jumped down off the counter and tugged his phone out of his pocket, turning away.

"Yeah Liam?" Louis cleared his throat. "I'm fine, had a cough." He paused to roll his eyes at Harry, dragging a small smile out ."How the hell did you manage that? I'll be there in a few minutes." He hung up and picked up his coat.

"Liam's locked himself out, and he's got a hot date." Louis raised his eyebrows at the word.

"Wow, good luck to him." Harry leaned against the counter to stop himself from helping Louis with his coat-anything to touch him again .After the burn of Louis hand he was cold, almost shivering.

 Louis hummed as he slipped his coat on. "You wouldn't happen to know if Zayn's in tonight or not would you?"

"I think he said he was going out tonight and not to wait up, I can text if you'd like?"

"No!" Louis said sharply a wicked grin over taking his face. ""No, I’ve got to have reason to take the mickey out of Liam tomorrow."

 Harry shook his head. "You are a cruel person Louis Tomlinson."

"Not cruel just a necessary evil"

 Harry laughs. "There's my dimple of the day." Louis says triumphantly, a small smile curving up his face as Harry flushes. "See you Curly."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, we have another chapter! This one's a bit more background for Louis/Liam, as how their realtionship works and how it got that way. Mostly a fill-in but a touch of Larry.It's coming I swear just slowly.We will be finding out the reason behind Louis PTSD (Post Tramatic Stress Disorder) flash backs(it was also known as Shell Shock during WWI/Vietnam war ).Yes it's a real thing and yes it affects people ouside of war-like conditions, I will be touching base with the meaning and the symtons more and for anyone who doesn't know what it means/wants more info please either contact me on tumblr or on twitter and I'm happy to answer any questions you have !


	7. Chapter 7

"I'm not saying Bale isn't a talented actor, I’m saying Michael Keaton is and will always be the best Batman." Louis closes the fridge door with his hip, his hands filled with leftover takeaway and a beer, his phone pressed awkwardly against his ear and he navigates to the couch.

"Ok I'll give you that one but, come on Lou, George Clooney, in spandex." Harry's voice is tinny across the phone connection. In the past few weeks they've started talking on the phone more often than texting.

Louis sets down the food and beer and readjusts the phone. "That's hardly fair. No one can compete with Clooney, he's a fucking god."

Harry lets out a bark of laughter. "Villains, then. Two Face is by far the worst."

Louis chokes on his beer. "Two Face! The worst! Are you mad? " The conversation had started after Liam had left for his date and Louis -out of boredom, he swears- called Harry and started discussing the marathon that they both happened to have on.

"Well who than?"

"Riddler."

It’s Harry's turn to choke." Riddler? You're _joking_."

"Nope." Louis pops the 'p' "He bloody pushed a man out the window."

"Hmm, good point but what about Cat Woman? She's pretty villainous."

"Not much of a villain, really she was more into being a cat than being evil, Now Poison Ivy. She’s evil"

Harry scoffs "Poison Ivy is objectifying women, Lou."

"Ooh forgot that bit, Ok The Penguin?"

Harry’s silent while he thinks and Louis eats half watching the movie but more listening to Harry breathe through the phone, he could practically see the tiny crease Harry got between his eyes when he thought, the deep, brooding look it almost looked like he was pouting, his eyes darkening a shade.

"People with disabilities." Harry says proudly.

"Now you’re just fucking with me.”

Harry laughs and Louis thinks for a fleeting second he’d like to hear that laugh for the rest of his life.

*

Louis did not fall asleep talking to Harry as much as his mind told him it would be a good idea ,he was quite proud of himself but he was woken early by the unmistakable sound of someone tripping over the edge if the couch. He knew the sound well. Louis stumbled out of bed at the sound of Liam's voice and it wasn't cursing the couch.

"Sorry about that."

Followed by a gruff. "Doesn’t matter. We're not calling right?"

Louis made it down the short hall, Liam stood with his back to him, clad only in boxers, a short dark haired man stood in front of Liam scowling slightly, phone in hand obviously just woken up.

"No, one night thing mate, sorry."

"Nah, that's what I wanted anyway. Was fun."

"Yeah, fun. Well have a nice one." Liam said ushering the man to the door.

He returned to find Louis arms crossed .lived.

"What the hell was that?" Louis asked, voice cold.

"What do you mean?"

Louis followed him into the kitchen standing in the door way as Liam bustled around making tea. "That's not you, Li."

"Maybe it is Louis. Maybe this is me." Liam threw over his shoulder. "Maybe I'm tired of being the _good boy._ "

"So what you're going to shag anything that moves? Get rid of the  _good boy_?"

"It's called having fun, Louis."

Louis snorted. "Yeah I know all about _fun_ Liam, and what _fun_ will do when _fun_ gets to be too much and you trust strangers at a bloody party who give you a once over. "

Liam turned around, leaning against the counter arms crossed. "I'm not fourteen Louis, I can handle myself."

"Yeah, sure until your drink makes you dizzy.”

"Louis-"

"You know what? I don't care. Do whatever you want just don't bring them back here again, or I will kick you out."

Liam's face visibly paled. "Louis I-"

" _One_ rule Liam, _one_. No one comes here unless we both know them."

"I forgot Louis I'm sorry."

Louis held up his hand." Save it. I'll see you tonight." Louis spun on his heel and went back to his room. He waited until he heard Liam leave for the day -making him late for his first class- to leave.

By the time Louis found himself walking into the bakery he was ready for the earth to swallow him whole, anything to make the day end.

Harry was smiling brightly wearing black skinnies and t-shirt -the boy was a radiator- his smiling melting into a concerned frown when Louis only returned his greeting halfheartedly.

"What's up?"

"Nothing."

It took Harry a good hour to finally weasel out a "Liam and I fought that's all ,Christ, you don’t give up do you?"

They spent the rest of the time in silence ,when Louis made to leave Harry stopped him.

"Hey, since you seem to not want to go back and confront Liam yet, why don't you come to mine? We can study. Chill out?" There was a beyond hopeful edge to Harry's voice. Louis really didn't want to see Liam yet, he had dutiful been ignoring his text messages all day except for a 'I'm fine' when Liam sounded frantic.

Louis smiled easily. "Sounds like a plan."

Which is how Louis found himself sitting across from Harry on his couch. Textbook open but untouched playing a game of 20 questions Harry had started after Niall and his friend Ed had joined them in the flat; Louis had just pulled out his textbook when Niall threw open the door shouting a greeting ,Ed a stout ginger man stalked in and stood over Harry.

"Let's see it" he demanded.

Harry rolled his eyes and pulled back the collar on his shirt reveling a dark, bold tattoo spelling out 17BLACK, a pink tinge surrounded the tattoo.

"Keep putting the cream on, otherwise you'll need a doctor's looking at."

"Yes mum." Harry said smugly as Ed smacked his thigh before turning to Louis.

"You must be Louis."

"Indeed." Louis extended his hand.

Ed took it pumping it up and down a few times ."Ed. Don't call me Edward, or break his heart and we'll be fine."

"Damn, I was about to do both, _however_ did you know?"

"I like him." Ed winked at him before he and Niall, stocked with beer, disappeared into Niall's room, the stringy sounds of a guitar and Niall's loud cackle  could be heard.

"Ummm. Pizza topping."

"Pepperoni of course." Harry scoffed.

"Good lad, good lad." _nice little body_ Louis added to himself as Harry scratched at his side ,rucking the shirt up slightly accidentally giving Louis the view of a well-toned abdomen ,light trail of dark hair trailing down into Harrys waist band,

"Reason you broke up with your last boyfriend." Harry said, his eyes darting up to Louis face right away sensing the boundary step.

Louis shrugged. "One night thing." Harry didn't need to know that had been almost a year ago and he'd only been able to stomach someone touching him because was drunk and the guy let him top.

Harry rolled his eyes. "I don't mean one night stand Louis."

"And I mean I'm not the commitment type."

Harry leaned forward. "You mean to say you've never had a boyfriend?"

Louis sipped his beer. "Never."

Louis prayed Harry wouldn't ask. "Why?"

"Well, mums' been, married three times, dad left after I was born and mum left the second one ,dunno about the newer one -let's just say I wasn't around a sturdy adult relationship much growing up."

Harry frowned at him.

"Well I take that back, Liam’s family was pretty sick, all kinds of family togetherness dunno I'm just not the commitment type I guess."

Harry leaned back, playing with the edge of the couch, not looking at Louis. "What about Liam? He's a commitment."

Louis frowned at the funny edge in his voice. "He's my best mate who puts up with my shit, I've tried to get him to leave a fair few times. The bugger keeps staying around."

Harry seemed to relax a fraction. "Why do you want him to leave?"

Louis snorted. "I’m not worth the effort it takes to like me.”

"You are." Harry breathed.

Louis ignored him,"What about you? Bet it took a lot for you to break up with some one."

Harry smile faded. "Not really had a good reason."

"I'm intrigued." Louis said meeting Harry's eyes. Harry looked away.

"He hit me, in front of my mum and sister."

Louis nearly upended his text book, cruel anger curling in his stomach. “What. Why?"

Harry shrugged tugging on the hem of his shirt. "He wanted me to join him at some party -nasty part of town loads of drugs- I said no and told him to not call 'round again. 3 in the morning he's banging on the neighbors door high ,drunk ,screaming for me to get down there ,I went down ,like an idiot thinking I could calm him down he screamed at me saying I was his slut - I dunno why, he probably had someone on the side- 'I'd come when he called' that sort .I said he needed to leave, he ..wanted me to come with him ,just as my mum and sister came out, the police were arriving -the neighbors called-and he hit me ,enough to floor me ,give me a nice shiner." Harry smiled weakly tapping the corner of his left eye.

"How long-" Louis couldn't finish .

"We were together about a month think. He wasn't a bad person don't think, he drank a lot and had a temper ...he'd always tell me he loved me after."

Bile rose in Louis throat. “How often did he." another unfinished question.

"Not often, three maybe four times? I was a fool really." he chuckled dryly.

"Why the hell did you stay with him after the first time?"

Harry locked eyes with Louis, still playing with the hem of his shirt. Louis reached out and stilled it, squeezing slightly. "He was the first guy that told me he loved me, he was sweet, charming, would listen to me ramble on."

"That's no good  reason."

"I did say I was a fool. But we all have a past we're not proud of, but you have to trust enough to love again, you know? Or what's the point?"

Louis shook his head. "You're a stronger person than I am."

Harry looked down at his textbook. "You’re just as strong."

Louis stared at him a moment before directing his attend back to his book.

After while Harry stood, stretching ,Louis could hear his back pop ."Do you want to stay for dinner?"

Louis glanced at the clock and at Harry. "I'd better go actually need to sort out with Liam."

Harry nodded watching as Louis packed up his things and slung his bag over his shoulder.

"Do you want a ride? I'll drive you if you want."

 _"Harold_ we established I live only a few minutes away .I can manage."

Harry held up both hands in defeat then seemingly without thinking he stepped out into the hall way and wrapped Louis in a hug, slouching slightly and tucking his face into Louis neck. Louis frozen for a moment before his arms found their way around Harry's waist, he was so warm though his thin shirt ,Louis could feel the muscles in his back rolling with every breathe. They stayed like that moment longer before Harry stepped back, cheeks flushing.

"That was random and weird, I’m weird. I’m sorry."

Louis smiled. "Harry if you're just figuring out your weird there's really no hope for you."

Harry laughed; Louis did love when his dimples made an appearance, especially when Louis was the one drawing them out, and waved him off.

*

Louis stepped through the door steeling himself. "Li?"

"Here." Liam said walking out of the kitchen. "Hi."

Louis set down his bag and keys. "Hi."

Liam watched him from the hall way. "I'm making some dinner if you haven't eaten." Liam said awkwardly, gesturing to the kitchen.

"This is ridiculous." Louis said rolling his eyes. "I overreacted this morning and I'm sorry. I’m a horrible friend"

Liam rolled his eyes and hauled Louis in for a hug, murmuring in to his hair. “I’m the horrible friend didn't think-."

Louis smacked his chest slightly. "Shut up, you’re forgiven."

Liam pressed a kiss to Louis temple and let go walking into the kitchen. "Where were you anyway? I checked all your usual haunts and you were nowhere."

"Hmm?" Louis snuck a piece of carrot out of the soup Liam was simmering. "Oh I was at Harry's."

"Oh?"

"Don't sound scandalous. We were studying."

"Studying what?" Liam winked.

Louis groaned. "You're awful."

"I'm joking like Harry, he’s good for you."

"Good for me?" Louis watched the seam rise from the bowl Liam set in front of him.

"You're more relaxed since you met him than you've been for years. You're more open with him around, like, he’s very much likes to touch doesn't he? I noticed at dinner and you’re..comfortable with him ? Plus he looks at you like you hung the stars." Liam spoke around a mouthful of food. Liam was right he was more comfortable around Harry than he'd been around men for a long time.

"He hugged me." Louis blurt out "just out of the blue before I left."

"And...?" Liam prompted.

"And nothing, I hugged him back. He smelled really good."

Liam smiled at his bowl. "Like I said, he's good for you."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and here we have another chapter, I'm horrible at updates as per usual.  
> But! I've decided there will be ten chapters (I'm almost there anyway) and an epilogue ( because i like things tidy) so that's exciting. :)  
> thanks for reading! Drop me a comment or an ask if you please.  
> my tumblr is : impeccablelove9194 follow if you fancy . :) xx


	8. Chapter 8

The phone rings twice before Harry picks up with a ruffle of fabric "'Ello?"

Louis sighs deeply into the receiver.

"Hi Lou. What's up?"

Louis sighs deeply again rolling on to his back, his hip numb from lying on his side on the couch for so long. "I'm bored."

"Where's Liam?" Harry asks, Louis can hear him zipping up his flies, he must have him on speaker.

"With Zayn - I add air quotes -studying."

"Oh really? Zayn said he was going out with someone."

Louis grinned at the ceiling "Going to be a very interesting morning. But I'm still bored."

Louis could almost hear Harry roll his eyes. "Don't you have, like four papers to write?"

"Yes but that's work Harold. I don't want to do work. Entertain me. Pop on a film and we'll play commentary."

The silence that followed was thick. "Um.."

"What's up?" Louis asked.

"I'm sort of, going out tonight? My mate invited me to a club."  If Louis closed his eyes he  could picture Harry standing awkwardly ,half hunched , shifting on his long limbs, biting his bottom lip. Maybe rubbing the back of his neck or dragging his finger across the tattoo at his wrist eyes wide with sorry.

"Oh." Louis tried to ignore the raise of jealousy that burned in his chest ,the mere thought of Harry going to a club and  being touched by men who had intentions was enough to set his teeth on edge. He had no say in Harry's life, Harry was gorgeous, young and single, Louis had no right to feel any jealousy he was a mate ,that's it. A mate to whom told him he had feelings for. But that meant nothing because Louis had brushed it off, if Louis had acted on his feelings it might be he and Harry going out together ,getting drunk and grinding in a club -wait  no clubs bad things happened there, loud music and drinks and darkness happened there too much like a house party.

"Right." Louis said his voice steady. "Of course."

"I'd cancel but he's expecting me in twenty minutes."

"No, of course not, I'd never ask you to. You're right I need to write up those papers. I will do that. Have a nice night H."

"You sound pissed off." Harry said.

"I'm not." Louis said cursing his voice for giving him away. "I'm just- Just be careful out there okay? Just watch yourself, nasty places clubs."

"Are you alright Lou?"Louis could hear his frown.

"I'm good, -oh damn the door-. I've got to go, have a nice time, be safe."

"Oh- Ok, um bye?"

Louis hung up and tossed his phone hearing it thunk half way across the room. "Fuck." he said to the ceiling . " Why ?" he directed at the potted plant next to the TV, he flipped it off when it failed to offer advice.

 

**

Louis didn't know what to expect as he walked into the bakery the next day suddenly engulfed by sweet air. Maybe Harry's neck covered in the purpling bite of some guy he'd taken home? Harry still in what had worn last night? ( blue beanie, sinfully tight skinnies and a black mesh sweater. It wasn't Louis fault Harry's friend tagged him in every picture they'd posted last night.) Harry was standing behind the counter as usual,  this time a pale blue button up over a white collarless tee, and jeans, he smiled at Louis as the door closed. "Hi."

Louis waved and dropped his bag as the owner - Molly she insisted Louis call her- came up from the back, coat and purse over her arm keys dangling from her fingers.

"You're sure you'll be okay to close?" she asked Harry.

Harry rolled his eyes. " _Yes_ , Mols, go have fun with your niece."

Molly smiled at him pinching his cheek. " _Merci, mon cher_." she turned almost walking into Louis. "Have a lovely day Louis."

"You too." Louis leaned against the counter, he turned back to Harry to find him  still smiling.

"How was your day?"

Louis raised an eyebrow. "Ordinary. Yours?"

"I had to scrape a completely plastered Niall off the bathroom floor this morning, but other than that, normal."

Louis smiled. "Scraping Niall off the bathroom floor isn't normal? The lad can drink Liam under the table."

"Not on a Thursday night it isn't he's usually good about it ." Harry shrugged. "Of course I don't usually go out either so we both broke pattern."

"What is the world coming to! You two are going out! I'm doing schoolwork before it's due! It's the apocalypse!" Louis exclaimed throwing his hands in the air making Harry laugh , the deep, warm sound reverting around the shop . Their conversation flowed normally after that.

~

"Hey Lou, wait a mo."

Louis stopped a few steps from Harry as he struggled with the lock on the bakery door admiring how the muscles in Harry's shoulders rolled under his coat, how he held his bag between his knees , his thighs noticeably tense from their encasement. Louis felt a small tendril of arousal spark in his belly that hadn't been brought on by anything but his own hand in more than a year as Harry bent down to pick up the keys from where he'd dropped them. He stood, his curls all array giving Louis a dopey smile.

"I'm not sure about your fringe." he said tucking his hands in his coat pockets. Harry immediately shook his hair out , pushing it the side and raising his eyebrows for approval. In all honesty, it looked worse; his fringe lopsided and standing up from his head where the wind picked at it.

"Much better."

Harry gave him another smile "Oh so ,um, since you said Liam was out -"

"Yeah it's his parents anniversary and he's watching the dogs this weekend."

Harry nodded scrubbing at the back of his neck. "Yeah, so I wanted to know, like  I know you're a shit cook, so I wanted to know if you'd like to hang out and get some food? We could go to mine and put on a film?"

Louis raised his eyebrows. "Like a date?"

Harry bit his lip meeting Louis eyes long enough for him see the small glimmer of hope in them. "Not really, I mean it sounds that way but , like as mates? If you wanted? Like since you said your papers are done, I thought it might be cool to just hang out?"

 Louis grinned at him, ignoring the mammoth sized butterflies awaking in his stomach. _Alone. In the flat . With a man - no with Harry_. Harry wasn't _just_ a man, he was, for loss of better words, a reverse Grinch, his heart two sizes to large, just last week Louis had mocked him over the phone as he recounted a story about an injured cat from when he was eleven, he'd seen him sit and listen to the tales of an elderly woman, making her feel like  the most important thing in the world. Harry Styles was a different kind of person.

"I'll bring the film and the wine, you order the take a way."

Harry's head snapped up and he smiled widely at him, both dimples on display. "Great. See you in about thirty minutes?"

Louis nodded. "Sounds good."

 ~

Louis took a deep breath from where he stood outside the door to Harry's flat, he had gone home long enough to grab  the DVD, the bottle of wine Liam had bought earlier that week and change out of his footie trackies showering quickly and fixing his fringe under a beanie. Shaking himself  he raised his fist and  knocked, wiping his damp hand on his jeans, seconds later foot steps sounded and the door swung open revealing a springy haired, barefoot, flies open Harry ( Louis didn't need to know Harry's boxers were red), his shirt hanging loosely from his hand, tattoos stark against his winter paled skin. Louis swallowed.

"Is that how you answer the door after eight?" he gestured to Harry's torso. Harry threw his head back with a laugh hand coming up to cover his mouth.

"No, I swear, although the girl down the hall who's always asking for sugar might enjoy if I did." he ushered Louis in slipping the shirt over his head. "I dunno why she keeps at it I've made it quiet clear I don't swing that way."

Louis nodded. "The think they'll be the one to change your mind."

Harry sighed shaking his head ,smile never leaving his face, he took the bottle of wine from Louis directing him to pop the DVD in while he poured them glasses.

"Christ Harry, how much food did you order." Louis called taking in the coffee table full of take away boxes, he popped in the DVD and slumped down on the couch.

Harry walked in carrying two glasses in one hand and the rest of the bottle of wine and two bottles of water in the other _\- Jesus -_ , he handed one glass to Louis and set the other things on an open space on the table.

"I figured Niall and Zayn  would eat the rest in the middle of the night like they normally do." Harry shrugged and sat down close to Louis.

Louis nodded . "What do I owe you?" he asked pulling out his wallet .

Harry waved a hand taking a sip of wine and sitting back. "On me."

"I can't do that." Louis set down his glass.

Harry grinned at him. "Really, it's fine Lou, I offered."

Louis frowned at him until Harry plucked the beanie off his head, tossing it on the remaining three-quarters of the couch raising his eyebrows in challenge. Louis rolled his eyes and grabbed a box of Lo Main and sat back watching as Harry struggled with a pair of chopsticks.

"You've got to be joking." Harry said from the doorway. Louis bit his lip and kept his gaze towards the screen as the opening music played. " _Harry Potter_? "

"This happens to be a classic Harry."

"Since when?"

"Since the last half was such crap ."

"Ugh, horrible, left out the most important bits." Harry shook his head sitting down and  digging in to his rice.

Louis nodded. "It all went down hill after _Chamber_."

Harry murmured in agreement as the snake escaped it's enclosure. Half way though the movie the two of them somehow found themselves curl up on the couch knees touching discussing which house they'd be in.

"I think I'd like Ravenclaw." Harry said his head was tipped back on the back of the couch, lips red, eyes bright.

"More a Slytherin, myself." Louis nodded resting his head on his elbow .

"But I can't see you as evil." Harry's drawl was slower than normal after the wine.

Louis made a face. "Not all Slytherins are evil."

" _'Dad said there wasn't a witch or wizard who went bad that wasn't in Slytherin.'_ " Harry quoted.

"Oh I suppose Snape is rubbish then? He wasn't evil and look at Wormtail."

Harry nodded slowly. "Snape was a Death Eater though and Wormtail had the courage to spare Harry."

"Peer pressure. He wanted to help after he found out Lily was targeted."

"But that was because he was in love with her."

"So?"

Harry shifted closer to Louis. "If he hadn't been in love with her would he have helped?"

Louis hummed. "But  if he wasn't in love with her would he  have joined Voldy's groupies?"

Harry nodded. "True." he let his head fall back and watched the movie though lidded eyes, the long line of his throat stretching down to dip below his collar. They stayed silent for a while, casting quick glances at each other.

"Out with it." Louis said turning to Harry. He rolled his head towards Louis eye brows raised.

"With what?"

Louis rolled his eyes. "I can almost hear the cogs in your empty head turning with an argument. What are you thinking, Harold."

Harry stared at him for a few moments before rolling his head back to the movie keeping his gaze on the screen. "I'm thinking about how much I want to kiss you right now and how damned presumptuous that is. I don't even know if you fancy me more than a mate."

Louis look sharpened watching Harry. His face stayed non chalet but his pulse jumped in his throat.

"I do." the words left Louis lips despite the part of his brain screaming _Danger zone, Danger zone!_

Harry whipped around to look at him. "You do what?" he asked cautiously.

"Fancy you. Quite a bit actually."

Harry's eyes searched his face. "Really?" he breathed. They was closer  than ever now, only inches apart. Louis propped his head on his elbow leaning against the back of the couch.

" _Really_."

Harry seemed to study his face, his green eyes fluttering from Louis eyes to his lips to his cheekbones and back to his eyes again. Louis watched the line of Harry's throat as he swallowed, shifting into a more upright position, leaning ever so slightly towards Louis before licking his lips quickly his hands resting in  his lap.

"Can I kiss you?" he asked voice barely a whisper, eyes never leaving Louis. Instead of answering Louis closed the space between them, fitting  his lips to Harry's, his bottom lip fitting   perfectly between Louis, they were warm, soft and plush, it was all much more overwhelming than he could have imagined, Harry's smell was intoxicating, making Louis feel almost high.

They broke apart in need of air, Harry resting his forehead on Louis, his breath puffing softly on Louis cheek. Slowly he reached up and drug his thumb across Louis bottom lip, copying his move Louis cupped Harry's cheek tentatively, his thumb resting where a dimple hid, fingers tangling in the curls at the nape of his neck. Harry shuttered slightly as Louis fingers traced across the back of his neck, he nosed at Louis cheek, without a second thought Louis sealed their lips together again. Harry hand came up to rest on Louis neck, his thumb ghosting on his jaw.

Louis had never really liked kissing, even before that party, sure he'd snogged a fair amount of boys and girls alike but it always seemed to him almost pointless and after the frantic movements of his few one night stands did nothing but bring back the memories of that night; of an insistent drunken tongue forcing it's self on Louis forcing so much on to Louis.For reasons beyond all reasonable thought Louis made the move to deepen the kiss, for some reason the thought of giving into Harry was not only far-fetched but desirable. He cautiously traced his tongue along Harry's bottom lip, fully expecting Harry to move away. Harry's lips parted instantly, but he made no move staying perfectly still, breathing shallowly though his nose, allowing Louis to either make the move or pull away, tentatively Louis deepened the kiss and Harry kissed back, their tongues tangling together lazily. Louis hand wound higher into Harry's hair and Harry's other hand came up to cup Louis jaw, he never pushed the pace or intent as if he had all the time in the world and this was how he'd rather spend his time.

They finally broke apart as John William's closing score sounded throughout the room, Harry's thumbs still ghosting on Louis jaw, Louis fingers still tangled in Harry's hair, breathing shakily Louis opened his eyes to find Harry's still closed , eyelashes dark against his flushed cheeks and kiss bruised lips. Slowly he opened his eyes, and smiled slightly at Louis who felt himself smiling back, he dropped down and pressed a quick kiss to the corner of Harry's mouth before removing his hands from his hair. Harry watched him from under his eyelashes.

"Say something?" he whispered, doubt creeping into his deep voice. He was searching Louis face for some kind of validation.

"You kiss like you talk." Louis settled on, his voice raspy, he met Harry's gaze and brushed a stray curl off his face.

Harry's lips quirked. "Is that a good thing or a bad?"

Louis raised his eyebrows. "I could get used to it." he said trying for causal as the butterflies and the voice reached a high. Harry could sense his hesitance.

"You could?"

Louis looked at him again. "I could," he said slowly, "But don't know if I could go any farther than that."

Harry frowned at him. "Lou, I'm not going to, like ask you to jump into bed or anything. "

Louis looked down at his lap the weightlessness he felt before suddenly gone. "You will at some point."

Harry laid a hand on his elbow. "I'd never make you uncomfortable."

Louis smiled ruefully. "Your definition of uncomfortable is different than mine."

Harry gaze flickered over his face. "If you wanted me to I could learn." he said softly.

Louis bit his lip part of him wanted Harry in his life ,wanted him more than just friends but the memories kept flickering at the edge of his mind sharp and cold and painful, Harry's genital hands on his face  had  reminded Louis of the cruel, bruising hands on his arms forcing him down, he still had the tiny crescent shaped scars on his hips where finger nails had dug in holding him still as he cried out  into the strange bed sheets. But for the first time in   years Louis craved to be open fully with another person, he'd spent so much time blocking himself off; protecting himself from ever giving another person the power to hurt him that way again, never letting himself be venerable again and Harry,  Harry knew what it was like to be hurt to give someone your trust and have it torn to shreds, and there he sat across from Louis asking him to take a chance. Liam was right. He was more comfortable around Harry , that hadn't happened in years. Maybe he was ready  and maybe Harry was that person. That didn't help the sense of standing on a edge of a bottomless dark pit Louis felt.

"I can't be- I'm not normal. I'm not like everyone think I am. There are a lot of boundaries that I have that other people don't, I've been through...things that you wouldn't understand and I won't -I can't explain, that I might never be able to."

Louis risked a look at Harry , he was watching Louis with wide eyes.

"If you're willing to take that on, I'm willing to give it - this- a chance. I can't tell you it'll go far or anywhere at all, but I'm willing. I like you a lot Harry, I really do."

Harry reached out and tilted Louis chin up, Louis locked eyes with him and saw the intensity there, the sureness.

"I'm more than willing." Harry whispered. "If you'll have me, I'll take the chance, but I need to know you're fully on board , you're not going to pull away and box up if I do something wrong, I need you to tell me if I cross a boundary tell me if anything makes you uncomfortable, ok?"

Louis licked his lips and nodded. "I'm all in."

Harry searched his face again and nodded a small smile creeping across his face. "Now what?" he rubbed his thumb across Louis jaw lazily. Louis smiled and leaned forward.

"This, is a good start, I think." he muttered kissing Harry again. He really liked kissing him.

 

~

Nothing major changed in the relationship between the two of them in the month following that first kiss, except at the bakery if Molly wasn't around and the shop was empty Harry would pull Louis into the back room for them to kiss, Louis would sit on the counter wrap his arms around Harry's neck and tangle his fingers in his hair Harry's hand bracing  on the counter on either side of Louis hips careful to not touch him.

That was one of the first things he learned was a boundary: Louis hips and thighs and sometimes his waist.  The first time Harry tried to place a hand on Louis hip as they kissed Louis had nearly jumped out of his skin shaking his head, blush creeping  up his neck. "Please, don't , I'm sorry, I'm sorry but please don't do that."  Harry had  apologized profusely and Louis had kissed him breathless telling him not to worry about it. Harry learned about his thighs one night all five of them went to dinner at a small Indian restaurant about almost two weeks after they started going together ( _"that's a cliche at it's finest Harold no better than dating. We're giving it a go that's what're doing. But you still need to woo me."_ ) They had been jammed at a table together and everyone was talking and eating and throwing bits of food at each other Louis had been laughing at something Niall said when Harry hand slid from his thigh to Louis. Louis froze his smile wavering eye staring blankly as he reached down and took Harry's hand in slightly shaking hands sliding it back on to Harry's own leg. "Sorry, I didn't mea-" Louis silenced him with a squeeze to the knee and  soft smile, he had hooked his ankle around Harry's under the table so Harry counted to as a win. The boundary on Louis waist was part of the same, Harry had gone to wrap an arm around him like he did naturally with Niall and his family  and Louis had stiffened up immediately , but the last few days he had let Harry tentatively put his arm around his waist when Louis put his own arm on Harry's hips.  Harry knew Louis was making an effort to let him touch and valued it greatly he just couldn't help but wonder why Louis was so self conscious.

 "Lou?" Harry asked one day just after he closed up.

"hmm?" Louis hummed from where he was perched on the edge of the desk in the backroom, his back against the wall and his knees up to his chest he was balancing a notebook on his knees while he worked on homework.

"Can I ask you something? And you'll answer?"

"That's normally how questions work,Harold." 

Harry twisted his beanie in his hands biting his lip. "You know what I mean, you'll answer instead of distracting me with a kiss or a random topic?"

Louis looked up a twinkle in his eye. "Depends on the question then doesn't it?"

Harry nodded twisting his beanie tighter.

"H? Are you alright? I'll answer any question, ok?" Louis crossed the room until he stood in front of Harry

Harry nodded again and took a deep breath. "Are you...do you, like, have an eating disorder?"

Louis stared at him blankly. "What?"

Harry felt his face flush under Louis scrutiny.

"I don't have an eating disorder, blimey Harry you've seen me eat, I've taken off your plate, where did that even come from?"

" I was just worried I wasn't seeing something I should be." Harry says eyes locked on his shoes.

Louis pursues his lips and tips Harry's chin up so he can look him in the eye. "You're not. I just don't like being touched, ok?"

Harry scans his face before nodding, he trails his hands down Louis shoulders catching at his wrists, hands loose. "Come back to mine? I want to make you dinner."

Louis raises his eyebrows. "Why?"

Harry rolls his eyes. "To be nice, and I want to, please?"

Louis sighed rolling his eyes a small smiling playing at his lips. "Fine."

 

They were half way to the flat when the rain started. Pouring buckets of frigid ice filled rain down soaking though their coats and shirts, they sprinted the last block and nearly collapsed inside the door to Harry's building, shivering they made  their way up stairs Harry struggled to get the door unlocked as Louis bounced on his heels next to him trying to warm  up in the cold corridor. Once they got in Harry shucked off his coat, helped Louis with his and took his hand gently pulling him towards his bed room. Louis felt a swoop of worry in his stomach as he followed , swallowing back a memory as Harry glanced over his shoulder.

"You can borrow one of my shirts while yours dries." he explained pushing open the door and flicking on the light. Louis walked in slowly this was the first time he'd been in here since his flashback, everything was the same, a few Polaroids pinned to the wall above Harry's bed ( the sheets were slightly mussed and pale blue ) the Christmas lights twinkling  softly around the ceiling. Louis turned and watched Harry as he dug though a dark wood  dresser, his hair plastered to the back of his neck, he glanced over his shoulder sensing Louis eyes.

"Nice lights." Louis said quirking a smile.

"This one should fit." Harry straighten up holding a pale gray cable knit jumper in his hand. "Yeah my sister strung them up when she helped me move in, haven't gotten around to taking them down." he shrugged.

"No," Louis said shaking his head. "I like them, they suit you."

Harry smiled and stepped towards Louis, Louis watched silently  as he reached out and pinched the hem of his wet shirt between his fingers, making no move.

"Can I?" Harry whispered rucking the shirt up slightly. _Oh he wanted to_ ...

"Yeah." Louis breathed, the word sticking in his throat. "Yeah you can."

 He forced himself to stay still and not shrink away as Harry slowly pulled  the shirt up and over Louis head fingers brushing the skin, leaving his  chest  exposed. Louis flushed slightly as Harry's eyes raked over his bare chest, pausing on his hips, his slight half assed abs and his cold hardened nipples, biting his lip Harry pulled his gray jumper over Louis head helping him with the arms, his hands smoothing down his sides to rest just above his hips.

"You're beautiful." he whispered. Louis punched his shoulder lightly and pulled him down for a kiss on the nose. "Thank you for letting me do that." Harry whispered before he turned away, peeling off is own shirt and  walking out of the room. 

Louis rubbed his arms and let out a breath. 

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual I own nothing nor am I in cohorts with anyone in or affiliated with One Direction or Ed Sheeran.
> 
> please don't remove this from Ao3, please keep this within the fandom, etc ,etc.
> 
>  
> 
> Credit to song lyrics used to go Ed Sheeran's Kiss Me.
> 
> xx

Three months.

Louis looked at the calender again.

_Three months_ he and Harry had been dating. ( yes he was finally referring to it as dating) Three months of Harry's hand in his, Harry's fingers tracing a pattern on his back, carding through  his hair. Three months Harry's lips on his, his little gasps when they'd break apart, his huge grin, his giggle when Louis randomly gave him a kiss or tugged on a curl.

Three months or Louis longest relationship- besides Liam- Louis slumped against the table.

"Alright Lou?" 

"No I'm not Liam."

Liam was frowning; Louis could tell. "Why?"

"Because I care about Harry you idiot."

Liam was frowning Louis could tell. "And that's a bad thing ..why?"

Louis groaned in response. He was terrified. Terrified of what the next step was, terrified to take it, terrified of his feelings, terrified of Harry's feeling for him. He knew what his feelings for Harry were and he was pretty sure Harry was just  waiting for him to take that step. The number of times he had almost ended a call with _love you_ or stared at him dazed, eye sparkling  as they lay legs tangled together  were piling up and Louis was hiding behind those unsaid words, he knew what supposedly came next , what was expected from a normal progression of a relationship and  at the same time he was worried he was going to lose Harry for hiding from those words. Harry had been nothing but good for Louis, in these three months Louis had gotten comfortable enough to let Harry's hand span his thigh under the table- on one occasion worry at the inseam of his jeans- to pull Harry's arms around his waist and lean back against him, to let Harry's hands travel to rest  just above his waist band under his shirt , hands burning his skin. It was progress and the resolve it took Louis to lead Harry's hands and reassure him was mountainous. Harry didn't know about the nightmares it caused, neither did Liam, Louis kept those to himself _better than paralyzing flashbacks_  he wagered but the details were clearer, the memories sharper, Louis would wake up feeling filthy, coated in a thin sheen of cold sweat, the memory of _him_ all over his skin. On more than one occasion Louis woke  to bruises from his own hands on his hips, scratches from clawing at his back in his sleep. Harry could sometimes tell something was wrong, rubbing up and down Louis back only to have him flinch away his back tender from his own hands. Louis hated seeing the look of confusion on Harry's face when he hesitated kissing him back.

"Are we ok?" Harry murmured  one night as they sat with the other three boys watching some horror movie or another, they were cuddled on the chair Harry sitting normally while Louis legs were over the arm of the chair his back against Harry's chest.

"I really doubt a man in a hockey mask and chainsaw will murder us tonight."

Harry's chuckle rumbled through his chest. "No, I mean us, you and I." he said to Louis temple.

Louis frowned at him. "Why wouldn't we be?" he winced slightly as Harry's hand brushed across his still sore back; he'd drawn blood last night.

Harry searched his face, "You're just really tense tonight. Have I done something?"

Louis kissed him quickly, threading his hand into Harry's hair. "No, I'm just tired."

Harry's lips had quirked up into a half smile, though it didn't reach his eyes. Later that week Harry asked Louis if he self harmed.

Louis hated the fact his actions made Harry feel like he needed to ask these questions, he hated that it had been years and he still sometimes found himself asking what he'd done that night. Had it been his tight jeans or his low cut shirt showing off his collarbones? Was his flirting the reason? or the fact he'd gotten tipsy?  No. _No_. It hadn't been his fault. It wasn't. Liam told him every time he had a flashback " _it was_ not _your fault Lou, don't you_ dare _blame yourself. That piece of filth was a lowlife maggot who took advantage of you. Do not ever blame yourself_." he'd read anything and everything Liam had given him on the subject,  on how to get out of the dark hole he'd fallen into the months following. 

 It had taken Louis years to realize it wasn't his fault, that he wasn't the reason, his actions had not been the cause. It had taken time but finally  Louis  had gotten to a place where he wouldn't flinch when the word was used, he didn't freeze when he was alone with another man and Harry had made things so much easier  for Louis, he never asked  or pressured  for more. Their natural connection caused Harry to seemingly know when Louis was pushing himself and he never failed to reassure.

"Lou?" Louis peeled his face off the table to look at Liam. "Alright?"

Louis shrugged. "Zayn coming over?" he asked noting Liam's cologne. Those two had been pretty steady for about a month now with Zayn staying over or vise verse, it usually involved sex and after Louis had to call Harry at three am to distract him from " _noises from Liam's room, oh god."_ Louis had bunked over at Harry's flat.

Liam nodded. "We're having dinner, Is that alright?"

"I was going to over to Harry's anyway."  Louis traced patterns on the table top.

"Are you planning on coming back tonight?" Liam asked, they hadn't really discussed this arrangement and  Liam felt half the time he was kicking Louis out since he had yet to invite Harry over.

"Are you and Zayn planning on having loud sex? I have still have  nightmares Liam."

Liam ears flushed. "Sorry, I'll buy you new headphone, yeah? I  miss you."

Louis smiled at him, Zayn was the first guy Liam had dated that Louis had really approved of and had let into the flat but with him being so caught up with Zayn and Louis with Harry their down time alone together had drastically dropped. "Deal, I'll see you tomorrow, we're still on for Shark Tank and pizza right?"

Liam beamed. "Definitely."

*

Louis bounced on his heels as he waited for the door to open.

"Hey Lou." Niall said gesturing for Louis to come in. "Harry's in his room."

"Thanks." Louis said with a smile hanging up his coat. "Hey Ed." Louis waved to the ginger man on the couch, he had a guitar on his lap a joint in his hand.

"Alright Louis?" He smiled warmly before Niall dropped on to his legs  and plucked the joint out of his fingers.

"Alright. "Louis nodded jerking his head towards Harry's room. "I'll just."

Ed nodded and struck a few cords. _"So I hold you close to help you give it up..."_

"That's fucking poetic Ed."

Harry's room was dark save for the Christmas lights and the dull glow of the street lamp below. Louis flipped on the lamp beside the bed throwing a puddle of light on Harry, he was spread out on the bed, limbs everywhere, clad in only jeans and a blue and red scarf around his curls, his face was soft , mouth open slightly. Louis  could still hear Ed's voice softly filling the flat. _"And with this feeling I'll forget, I'm in love now"_   he sat down on the edge of the bed, gently  stroking the skin of Harry's shoulder.

"Hey, babe."

Harry murmured in his sleep reaching out to wrap an arm around Louis waist. Pulling him down on to the bed with him, Louis obliged laying on his side  Harry's arm slung across his hip stroking up and down his back. Louis traced the cut of Harry's jaw with a tender hand, brushing his fingers over Harry's lips gaining a smile from him. Harry leaned in and pressed his lips to Louis before opening his eyes. "Hey."

"You were asleep." Louis muttered running his hand through Harry's curls. "I can go if you need sleep."

"Was napping." he explained his voice raspy. "Want you to  stay..please?"

Louis sighed. He hated that Harry gave his all every time no matter what. "Only if we sleep. No talking." he decided.

Harry hummed and pulled Louis closer, rolling into his back so Louis could rest his head on his shoulder. Louis kicked off his shoes and lay down next to the half naked Harry, his eyes bright as Louis snuggled in like he did every time he stayed over. They had moved to Harry's bed after the third time Louis stayed and had fallen asleep on the couch, his head on Harry's arm. Harry stayed in the same position all night Louis had found him downing pain relief pills and wincing while he stood at the counter of the bakery. The next  night when Liam had Zayn over and Louis was falling asleep on the couch he had dragged Harry to him room despite his confused protests.

"Lou you said you weren't comfortable in here."

Louis tugged him farther along . "Yes but I don't want you hurting your back again just so I can use you as a pillow."

"I don't mind, I  like you using me as a pillow, it's nice." Harry shrugged flipping on the light in his room.

Louis rolled his eyes dropping Harry's hand as his started to shake. "That's why we're in here." he dropped to the bed and cocked his head to the side as Harry continued to stand in the middle of the room.

"Lou, you don't have to do this, I meant it when I said I'd never make you uncomfortable. I'm fine on the couch with you, really."

Louis shook his head and looked down, his hands were noticeably shaking so he clasp them in his lap. Harry sat down next to him so just their knee touched he slipped one of his hand into Louis' twining their fingers together and stroking the back of his hand. "Lou. Talk to me?"

Louis swallowed. "It scares the hell out of me, but I want to be normal."

"Normal?" confusion colored Harry's voice.

"More of a normal boyfriend." Louis caught himself at the last word, they hadn't talked about what this was, what they were doing but the word jumped to the front of his mind whenever he thought of Harry. Louis met Harry's eyes and found them sparkling, the green a pale mint. 

"Boyfriend? " he murmured a dimple appearing. "I thought we were just 'having a go' at this."

Louis rolled his eyes and squeezed Harry's hand. "Look if your going to hold it against me I'll go." He stood but Harry pulled him back down, kissing him softly.

"Don't go boyfriend." he muttered smiling against Louis lips.

Louis pushed him backwards on the bed and pulled off his boots and kicking off his shoes before crawling up and laying down next to Harry close enough to feel his body heat but not to be touching. Louis reached out and smoothed a hand down Harry's shoulder, hand coming to rest on his hip, Harry brushed his thumb along Louis jaw.  

"For the record, you are quite a normal boyfriend." he whispered dropping a kiss to Louis forehead. 

"I'm a mess in my head Harry, trust me on that." 

Harry had frowned at that but didn't remark besides knotting their fingers together.

Harry's hand was caught in the tangles of Louis hair, massaging his scalp slightly, Louis hummed and  drug a finger down the side of Harry's naked ribs, he  had learned during these nights Harry loved being touched,  that he reveled in being stroked and caressed, whether it was his jaw or the back of his neck , his collarbones or  his wrist , his waist , his legs, his chest , literally any part of his body he loved to be touched - especially by Louis, he glowed when Louis touched him, which made Louis want to give more to him, want to give him everything, all his secrets, let him see the thin  pale shaking lines down his thighs  from his own making , the tiny crescent  scars on his hips  from another's harming hands, the scars in his mind. But he couldn't, not now, maybe not ever. 

Harry was quieter than usual simply stroking up and down Louis back normally they would murmur back and forth until dropping off to sleep.

"What's wrong?" Louis muttered pinching Harry's hip.

Harry jumped away from the pinch. "Nothing." he mumbled. Louis pinched him again. "Stop it."

"Tell me what's wrong."

"Noth-" Louis dug his fingers into Harry's sides, he convulsed trying to wiggle away from Louis hands. "Alright! Alright!" he gasped between giggles.

Louis sat back pleased, stroking the hair off Harry's face.  Harry rolled on to his side tucking into himself  and stared at the wall. "My mum and Robin won the cruise." 

Louis frowned at the tone in Harry's voice. "But you wanted them to get it didn't you?"

Harry nodded. "Yeah they totally deserve it, it's just - it's stupid really- that it's over Christmas break. They'll be in the middle of the ocean on Christmas day is all."

Understanding filled Louis. "Oh, I'm sorry." he dropped a kiss to Harry's forehead. "I know much you miss them."

Harry nodded looking crestfallen. 

"What are you going to do?" Louis asked playing with his fingers. He loved Harry's fingers, so long and nimble almost  twice the length of his own.

"Dunno, Gems is going on Hols with friends, my dad's out of town, Zayn's going home and won't be back 'til after New Years and Niall won't be back from Ireland until the day before classes start, so I'll stay here I guess." Harry glanced at him, testing his boundaries . "What about you?"

Louis shook his head . "Liam's leaving the day classes end and I'll be here."

Harry frowned. "Your not going home? What about your mum and sisters?"

"Haven't spoken to my mum in two years and only a few texts to my sisters, it'd be weird." Louis shrugged, a tightness in his throat. Harry pulled him down with him again, an arm loosely on his waist, Louis could see the questions piling up behind Harry's eyes, his face thrown in sharp relief  by the lamp. "She never reached out and neither did I, we ..sort of fell out before I left."

Harry traced patterns on Louis back, a frown tilting his mouth. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Louis shook his head threading his hands in Harry's hair, cupping the back of his neck. "No, too many winding paths to get lost on. Can we just sleep?"

_" I've been feeling everything From hate to love From love to lust From lust to truth I guess that's how I know you So I hold you close to help you give it up.."_

 

Harry searched his face again. "Of course." 

 

**

Louis was doing everything he could to make Harry as flustered as he could before the next costumer, sitting on the desk in the back room lulling him into a false security; kissing him softly, fingers tracing lightly on the back of his neck, Harry standing between his parted legs  hands resting on his thighs before Louis would attack him with a tickle. Louis had walked in to the bakery  and found Harry sad and forlorn, slumped on the counter, barely giving him a smile, Louis had waited until the costumer left before dragging Harry back. 

"Lou, I'm not really in the mood-"

Louis cut him off with a fierce hug. "Why would you think I wanted something from you?"

 Harry's face lit up and his kissed Louis forehead. "I didn't I just -"

"I know." Louis said softly

 

Louis could feel Harry's hard on  against his thigh, normally Louis would have let him pull away, flushing and discreetly trying to shift himself,  willing it to go down, but today he pulled him back, tangling his hands in Harry's curls, Harry laughed against his mouth. 

"It's the curls, they're extra springy." Louis explained. 

Harry chuckled and kissed him again curling their tongues together as the door chimed again. Harry groaned and dropped his head on to Louis shoulder. Taking a deep breath he smiled at Louis and went up front. 

"Hello, How can I - _Mum_! What are you doing here?"

"We came to see you, silly " 

Louis peeked around the door ,feeling foolish. Harry was hugging a woman just a touch shorter than him her dark hair piled up messily, a balding man stood a step or two behind them, smiling softly. 

"You should have told me you were coming!"

Harry's mother punched his shoulder lightly before he turned to shake the mans hand. "That would have ruined the _surprise_ part dear."

Harry beamed at his mother. "It's so good to see you." he wrapped her in a hug again, Louis  vaguely noticed his heart aching slightly before he  decided to excuse himself, this was a family moment, no reason for him to lurk in the back room like a creep. Scooping up his bag and coat he slipped around the counter watching Harry's mothers eyes widen as she caught view of him. 

"We're not alone, love." she said softly. Harry turned around frowning, his face lighting up when Louis gave him a half smile. He reached out a hand for Louis, a hopeful glint in his eye.

"This is my  Louis." Harry said as Louis took his hand. "I mean, my boyfriend Louis. Lou this is my mum Anne, and step dad Robin." 

Anne cocked her head, hands on her hips. "So this is the infamous Louis my boy can't stop talking about." Louis blushed slightly but  not nearly as deeply as Harry did, Louis made a mental note to tease him about it later. 

"It's nice to meet you, Harry talks about you all the time." Anne bypassed his out stretched hand and wrapped him into a hug, having to slouch slightly to nuzzle in his hair. _So that's where Harry got it from._

"It is lovely to finally meet you, Louis. I was beginning to worry Harry'd made you up!" she smiled at him, eyes searching his face the same way Harry did.

Robin stepped forward and shook his hand. "I never doubted." he said with a chuckle.

Harry wrapped an arm around Louis shoulders. "Thanks Robin, at least someone had faith in me, not even my own mother." he shook his head slowly.

Anne laughed, she had the same deep warming laugh as Harry, it filled the room. "Oh hush you." she said, to Louis. "You are you going to join us for dinner?"

"Oh, I can't. Sorry."

Anne waved a hand. "No matter, no matter. You're free tomorrow yeah? Gemma should be here by lunch."

"Gems coming up from Essex?" Harry's hand strayed down his back and  curled around Louis hip absently.

"She didn't tell you? Her flights out from London on Sunday, so we decided we'd all spend a few days together."

Harry pouted. "This is great, really but  why didn't anyone tell me?" Anne rolled her eyes.

 "Harry, how much are these buns?" Robin asked. 

"A pound each." Harry said resting his chin on Louis head. Anne looked at them warmly before turning to Robin.

"Sorry, Mum's a bit much." Harry said softly walking Louis over to the door. Louis smiled at him tucking a curl behind his ear.

"You're a lot like her."

"You don't have to come over tomorrow, if you don't want to. I can make you an excuse." Harry fixed the collar on Louis coat absently.

Louis card a hand through Harry's hair. "It's alright love, you talk so much about them it'll be nice to actually know them a little."

Harry beams, biting his lip he pulls Louis in for a chaste kiss before opening the door. "Text me before you fall asleep?" 

Louis waved. "Bye. It was nice to meet you." he called before stealing another kiss from Harry who smiled at him dopeily.

*

"So his parents just showed up and want to hang out with  you tomorrow?" Liam asked as Shark Tank re-visited last weeks episode.

Louis nodded around a mouthful of pizza - he was going to have hell to pay when football started up again, he could already tell his little tummy was back in full force after just two weeks - "And his sister." 

"Christ Lou, your meeting his family and willingly, that's huge especially for you. " Liam ruffled his hair and Louis kicked his feet up on to Liam's lap.

"Thanks Li, you had to go ruin it for me." 

"I'm kidding Lou, I'm proud of you though, you know that." Liam tugged on a lock of hair.

Louis focused on the TV as a hopeful contender walked into the _shark tank_ . "I know."

*

The door was opened by a pretty blue haired young woman, she shared the same curved shape to her mouth and the same left dimple as Harry as she leaned against the door frame. "Oh he _is_ a looker." she called into the flat, Louis could hear Harry's groan of protest from the depths. "And he's so tiny, I want to keep him in my pocket, H." 

"Hey!" Louis said indigently, she was only a few inches taller than him. Her face craved into a bright smile as she laughed.

"I'm only joking." she held out her hand. "No doubt you're Louis, Harry can't shut up about you. I'm Gemma." Louis took her outstretched hand and instead of shaking it she pulled him into a hug.   _Must be a family thing_. "If you hurt my baby brother in anyway. I'll end you. ok?" she murmured in his ear before pulling away, eyebrows raised . Louis  nodded. 

"As if you'd have to, I'll end myself before I hurt him." Louis shocked himself with the statement, a numbing warmth  in his chest as the words settled.

Gemma smiled again, soft. "Good."

Harry came around the corner, hair crammed into a bright blue beanie , his black shirt and  boxers speckled with flour, he had a swipe of green frosting on the corner of his jaw, by his ear and wore a huge smile. "Lou." he said his deep voice sinking into  Louis, adding to the warming in his chest, He wrapped Louis in to a hug, nuzzling into his hair like he always did. Louis hands spanned his back scratching slightly as Harry rocked them back and forth slightly.

"Oi, Could you put on some jeans or something lovebird? I saw enough of your naked ass growing up." Gemma scolded fondly.

" 'M not naked. Got pants on." Harry muttered into Louis hair. He jumped slightly as Gemma slapped his back end lightly as she turned away. "Mum, Gemma hit me." he called releasing  Louis from the hug  but keeping an arm around his shoulders.

"He's blinding me with his nakedness." Gemma called from the sitting room.

"If you fight don't get blood on the carpet." Anne called from the kitchen.  Louis laughed and Harry stroked his cheek.

"You came." 

"Said I would." Louis rolled his eyes and pinched Harry's hip.

Harry bit his lip and placed a kiss on Louis forehead. Louis frowned. "That's all I get?" he teased.

"Course not, wanna go to my room? I need a clean shirt." he added at Louis raised eyebrows. 

"You also need the frosting off your face." Louis said swiping it off with his finger and sticking it in his mouth, closing his eyes  letting the sugar melt across his tongue. Harry made a strange strangled noise in his throat and Louis opened his eyes, Harry gaze was stuck on Louis finger  still in his mouth. _Oh._  He swallowed and met Harry's  eyes, pupils wide. He twined their  fingers together and nodded towards the hall to his room. Louis squeezed his hand in confirmation.

"Hi." Louis called as the past the sitting room, Robin was in Niall's usual chair a footie game on the TV, Gemma curled up on the couch with her phone.

"Keep it down if you're getting frisky." she said absently. Louis ears flushed and his heart raced. Harry gently pulled him along slipping past the kitchen, he opened his door and quickly slipped them in, closing the door behind him.

"Kiss me, please Louis." Harry said before Louis could ask  leaning with his back against the door. He had an almost wild look in his eyes as Louis stepped forward , Harry was slouching so they were the same height, Louis ran his hands over the cantors of Harry's face, tracing his lips with a finger before he licked into Harry's willing, open mouth. Louis hands came to knot in Harry's hair pulling off the beanie , Harry's to rest on his hips. They broke apart and Harry nuzzled in Louis hair by his ear lips soft against his skin.

"You can mark me if you'd like." Louis surprised himself. Apparently Harry as well, he pulled back, his gaze sharp.

"What?" 

Louis rolled his eyes and played it off even as his stomach flipped. "Mark me, if you want."

"You don't like marks." Harry said slowly. 

"Maybe I've changed my mind." 

"Louis." Harry cupped his cheek stubble scratching his palm. "I can wait , you know that. I will wait for anything for you."

Louis looked away, frustrated. "This isn't fair to you."

Harry frowned. "What are you talking about? "

Louis shook his head. "It isn't fair to you, Harry, all you want is a normal relationship, not some mind fucked guy you can barely touch."

Harry looked at him, his mouth a firm line. his voice was flat when he spoke. "How do you know what I want Louis? Why isn't this a normal relationship?"

Louis snorted. "This is far from normal Harry."

"Says who? Normal is what you make  it Louis. We _are_ a normal couple. Unconventional in a dozen ways, yeah, but we enjoy being together.  Why are you so bothered?"

Louis laughed humorlessly running hand through his hair."You can't tell me you're blissfully happy."

"Why not?" Harry snapped.

Before Louis could respond there was a knock at the door. "Harry? Sweet heart the foods ready."

 "Coming mum." Harry called not breaking eye contact with Louis. Louis sighed and looked away, looking at the pictures pinned above Harry's bed he had added a few new one all included Louis, he could hear Harry rifling through his dresser.

"I don't want to fight." Harry said, still facing the dresser.

"You think I do?" Louis snapped. Harry turned leaning against the dresser crossing his arms.

"No I don't," he said calmly. "But we do need to talk about this."

Louis rolled his eyes. "Later, ok?"

Harry watched him before nodding. "Later." he held out his hand, stepping forward Louis entwined their fingers. Harry kissed the top of his head.

 

Louis got with Harry's family wonderfully, they seamlessly fell into a comfortable friendship while they ate. Anne told stories that made Harry blush and bury his face in Louis shoulder , giving them a fond look while Louis pat Harry's arm laughing. Robin fell into conversation with Louis on the perks of teaching and giving him a quick smile while the other three went to turn on the kettle all brushing a hand across Louis shoulder as the passed.  "When they don't stop touching you, it means they like you." he winked.

 Gemma had a quick tongue to match his own making banter around the table a fun challenge. 

"Oh my god Harry, tell the story when you came to visit me last year." Gemma said curling up on the floor by Anne's feet after dinner, cup of tea clutched with both hands.

 "The one with the creepy bloke?" Harry asked, Louis fit himself to his side  as Gemma nodded, his arm automatically curled around Louis pulling him close.

"So I went to visit Gem last year and we went for lunch, hung out - normal stuff . While we were eating this tall bloke comes over and just blank asks Gemma out. "

"Now he had asked me out more than a dozen times by now, he never pressed when I said no he just kept coming back." Gemma interjected.

"And Gemma's like ' how do you know I'm not on a date right now?' and the bloke was like 'looks like you. Like siblings.' "

"And Harry - you must have seen something on my face-  just grabs my hand and is like ' doesn't mean it's not love.' and kisses my hand." Gemma added.

"Oh god." Anne covers her eyes laughing.

"Apparently it got around and we were known as the incest couple." Harry laughs, eye bright. 

"Until you came to that party and after that everyone knew you were gay, blew the cover." Gemma winks.

 "Do I want to know?" Louis looks up at Harry smile lingering.

"I'm pretty sure there's a video somewhere but trust me, you don't."

*

Anne had just finished a story about Harry and Gemma painting the cat orange when they were toddlers when Louis phone vibrated in his pocket. He checked the message as Anne went to get a round of wine.

"What is it?" Harry murmured pressing his lips to Louis neck. 

Louis frowned at his phone. "Liam."

"Everything alright?"

"Yeah, he wants his shirt he left in the back of the car to take home."

"Why now?" Harry asked playing with Louis hair.

"He's packing, he's got a bus at some god forsaken time tomorrow morning. He need to get it to him." Louis sighed, smiling at Harry in sympathy. "Sorry."

Harry sighed. "It's fine. I'll walk  you down." He held out a hand to help Louis off the couch.

"You're leaving?" Gemma asked with a exaggerated pout .

"My friend needs something out the back of his car tonight."

She stood up and hugged him. "We will talk more, I  like you."

"Thanks." Louis blushed pleasure blooming in his chest, as he waved to Robin.

"Oh you're leaving?" Anne asked from the door way as Louis slipped on his coat. He nodded.

"It was such a pleasure meeting you, thank you for sharing your time with Harry with me."

"Oh, love." Anne said pulling him into a hug. "It was no trouble at all." she held him at arms length. "Thank you for making my baby happy."

Louis stammered as Harry twined their fingers pulling him towards the door, cheeks red. "I'll be right back, mum."

Anne nodded, expression soft.

*

"You do make me happy. You know that?" They were a flight down from Harry's floor. "Really, really happy."

Louis squeezed his hand. "I honestly don't see how." 

Harry stopped a step above Louis. "You don't see? Lou...there's a million things about you that I adore, all your quirks, what a good- loyal- friend you are, how good you are to me, how much you care."

"If I was as good to you as you say you wouldn't be stuck with me right now." The words were out before Louis could stop them.

Harry dropped his hand, Louis  hand was instantly cold as Harry  took a step away from him. "Are you that unhappy being with me?" Harry studied his shoes, looking small.

" _What_? Harry how can you even  ask me that? Of course I'm happy with you. Harry you mean so much to me, your so good with me," Louis took a breath, letting the words sit on his tongue unsure "You - you're my everything." Harry's eyes snapped up wide before they darkened, guarded afraid to feel elated yet .

"Then why won't you trust me?"

Louis took a step back stepping off the landing and onto the staircase, he gripped the railing.  "What are you talking about. I trust you more than anyone else I know ."

"Why didn't you tell me about the nightmares then?" Harry walked around Louis onto the stair case so Louis was a step above him before finally looking up.

The air in Louis chest caught; everything he had been pushing aside threatened to charge forward, the part of his history  he didn't want to relive, didn't want to include Harry in was knocking at the door, the world might as well been yanked from under his feet.  "What are you talking about." Louis said his voice only shaking slightly.

Harry laughed humorlessly. "The other night, when you stayed over? I woke up because you were shaking in your sleep I thought maybe you were cold so I tried to pull you closer but you - you started _crying_ , Lou. Begging me not to touch you." He looked up at Louis, eyes shining. "Muttering about how you didn't want this, didn't ask for this, to please stop. You _begged_ me to stop touching you. I thought you  were awake, I didn't understand what I'd done, we were fine. When you curled into a ball and started digging your fingers into your back I realized   you were asleep, you were talking to whoever in your dream. You wouldn't answer me, you wouldn't wake up. You just cried into the pillow, when you finally stopped, I guess when the dream was over,  you rolled over and reached for me."

"Harry. I-"

"No vague excuses Louis. Why didn't you tell me? Was it something I did wrong? Did I push you too far? Did I cause the nightmare?" The self loathing in his voice startled Louis.

"No. Harry _No,_ it's not you , not for a second, some days it's just -a lot and I have nightmares that's all." Louis took a step closer as Harry took a step back shaking his head.

"You don't trust me Louis. What have I done for you not to trust me? I've never lied to you, I've told you ever secret I have."

 "Harry I _do_ trust -"  
"Lou, the scratches on your back said that this wasn't the first time you hurt yourself in your sleep, not only do you not trust me but you lied to me about being fine. _Please_. Just _tell_ me. If it's time I'll give it to you. If it's me I'll step back, just please tell me what hurt you, it _hurt_ to see you like that."

Louis breathing shuttered. "It's complicated. I can't - I _told_   you I'm a mess in my head. "

Harry shook his head again and took the remaining stairs Louis followed, they were on the ground floor by the door, Louis could see the hairs on Harry's arms stand up from the cold air sweeping in under the door. 

 "Louis. I - I've never given a person as much as I've given you. I've never trusted anyone like I trust you." he wasn't looking at Louis, staring at a spot above his head.

    "It fucking scares me, trusting so much. The last time I gave anyone anything I got hurt and humiliated for believing he cared about me, this - us - it goes both ways, you know? I'm not asking you to spill your entire life to me, - I'd never do that - I'm asking for you to trust me enough to tell me if whatever happened when you were younger is still  effecting you now and when your not ok, what I can do. I don't want you to tell me unless you want to - I'm not trying to guilt you into anything and I don't mean to corner you like this. I just- I need reassurance you still want this to work. That you're willing to give me something to work with.  Because I can't keep doing this otherwise."

 Louis heart dropped to his feet. _This isn't happening._ "What are you saying."

Harry finally made eye contact, his eyes  tired. He searched Louis face before rubbing his cold arms and shaking his head. "I don't know...nothing."  he turned to go back up stairs.

"Harry, please."

Harry turned and looked at Louis. "I'll talk to you later." his voice cracked.

"You're not even going to give me a chance to explain?"

He began climbing the stairs slowly. "Good night Louis."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second to last chapter. yay!  
> I'm so sorry about the ending being so 'ugh' worthy, everything might be resolved in the next chapter...you never know....
> 
> ta ta for now :D
> 
> tumblr : impeccablelove9194

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first AU, so forgive me.  
> please leave comments ( no hate,ect) thanks
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing :)


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